The silence is a traitor to my ambition
The loitering inclarity is the side-effect of agitation
As I am held in suspension
Such deep waters my mind consists
Yet my energy is hollow with anticipation
Such exasperation
Causes such shallow contemplation
Fine,
I surrender my heart to the pain
Is it the foreign memory?
The unnerving uncertainty?
The proclamation of unseen friends?
Un-played spring days?
Is this anxiety?
Dreary lives delaying our jubilance
As time elapses gradually
And if not for joy,
For the deceased
And the reluctant carcass
Of happiness
Lolls in the fields of depression
And basks in the sun of miserable processions
And in the triumph of our silence
My employed ideas
Seethe with serpent tongues
Stating their clarity
But I ignore their voices
They reassure my desires
With empty promises of hope and opportunity
My energy has ceased
And yet I grow thirstier still
My soul has grieved
But my body pursues the final destination
Wherever that may be
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139,389 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
i genuinely loved it! time for reviewing. let's try if I can
well, first of all, when I read the first line, I had a sudden urge to know your ambition because to me it seemed like that you wanted to talk about it only. gradually, when I read the rest, It didn't happen. it was something different. that s totally fine. i don't have any complaints about that. but, I think you could include your ambition in the poem. i have no other complaints.
it was an enjoyable read. hope, this review helps you. take the suggestions that are worth it and ignore the other. thanks for the read.
Thank you so much for your review, I'll consider adding your suggestions
Seu poema é tão lindo....
fiquei emocionada de ver algo tão bem-feito assimkkkk
Muito obrigado- thank you so much
This is such a lonely poem. The carcass of happiness was the most emotional part for me, as I know the feeling all too well of hopelessness, with the wish to go back.
There’s parts where I’m not sure what you mean. Since you don’t rhyme throughout, definitely don’t force a rhyme. And don’t push big words if they don’t really work.
I also like ‘the loitering inclarity’.
Definitely some good ideas in here. Keep working!
Thank you so much
RELATABLE is what this poem can be expressed or explained in a word. Somewhere this a gem. Loved it!!!!
Thank you so much, that's so nice of you