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One day?

by illy7896


The silence is a traitor to my ambition

The loitering inclarity is the side-effect of agitation

As I am held in suspension

Such deep waters my mind consists

Yet my energy is hollow with anticipation

Such exasperation

Causes such shallow contemplation

Fine,

I surrender my heart to the pain

Is it the foreign memory?

The unnerving uncertainty?

The proclamation of unseen friends?

Un-played spring days?

Is this anxiety?

Dreary lives delaying our jubilance

As time elapses gradually

And if not for joy,

For the deceased

And the reluctant carcass

Of happiness

Lolls in the fields of depression

And basks in the sun of miserable processions

And in the triumph of our silence

My employed ideas

Seethe with serpent tongues

Stating their clarity

But I ignore their voices

They reassure my desires

With empty promises of hope and opportunity

My energy has ceased

And yet I grow thirstier still

My soul has grieved

But my body pursues the final destination

Wherever that may be


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Wed Feb 17, 2021 4:51 pm
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



i genuinely loved it! time for reviewing. let's try if I can

The silence is a traitor to my ambition


well, first of all, when I read the first line, I had a sudden urge to know your ambition because to me it seemed like that you wanted to talk about it only. gradually, when I read the rest, It didn't happen. it was something different. that s totally fine. i don't have any complaints about that. but, I think you could include your ambition in the poem. i have no other complaints.

it was an enjoyable read. hope, this review helps you. take the suggestions that are worth it and ignore the other. thanks for the read.




illy7896 says...


Thank you so much for your review, I'll consider adding your suggestions



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Mon Feb 15, 2021 6:42 am
Ginkx says...



Seu poema é tão lindo....
fiquei emocionada de ver algo tão bem-feito assimkkkk




illy7896 says...


Muito obrigado- thank you so much



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Sun Feb 14, 2021 11:50 pm
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LilPWilly wrote a review...



This is such a lonely poem. The carcass of happiness was the most emotional part for me, as I know the feeling all too well of hopelessness, with the wish to go back.
There’s parts where I’m not sure what you mean. Since you don’t rhyme throughout, definitely don’t force a rhyme. And don’t push big words if they don’t really work.
I also like ‘the loitering inclarity’.
Definitely some good ideas in here. Keep working!




illy7896 says...


Thank you so much



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Sun Feb 14, 2021 1:40 pm
BhavyaMehta123 says...



RELATABLE is what this poem can be expressed or explained in a word. Somewhere this a gem. Loved it!!!!




illy7896 says...


Thank you so much, that's so nice of you




I’ll marry the finest banana in the galaxy for you.
— Atticus