just one light in the darknesscan keep you from losing your waybut one shadow in the light can make you stumble off your lighted pathinto nothing but undivided darkness
Hello!Man, people get so intimidated by short poems. Sorry you had to wait so long on a review!1. Okay so I know that this is a short poem, and that you probably want to keep it that way, but I think that the message is so classic and well-understood that you could probably do something to add more wordplay or poetic device. Because really, part of the joy of poetry is how it sounds. This is a message that deserves a little more depth in the visuals and other sensory details it could inspire.2. While the structure here is quite clear (one thing, then its opposite), I think the fact that this poem is so short gives you the opportunity to try something a little more daring. There is strength in the simplicity and clarity of this piece, but it might not hurt to put out some iterations that are a little muddier, for the sake of pushing the genre.3. It's interesting that you chose to have this poem turn dark, rather than be dark and turn light. It's a bit depressing, isn't it?That's about it. I hope this helped a little!Great work, and happy review day!-Vento
Hi! B again! I am gonna make a reveiw of your short poem...First off, I want to say that this is a very short poem, and It may be hard to review...I want to state that there should be some capitalization.... It confused me a bit because it was a little bit unorganized...I liked you it was a free versed poem, but there was some repetition of the same word.."just one light in the darkness...undivided darkness" I would have chosen another word for this, so that it makes a little more since, and it does not lose the reader."but one shadow in the light can make you stumble off your lighted path"I would have replaced "Light" with "Brighter" or something so that it makes more since....Punctuation:You could have added some commas and periods to make your poem plow easier....OVERALL: I loved this poem, I gave a good use of words, and easier to see that it looks like, it gives off the feelings.Good work, keep writing,~B.
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