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by Casanova

Across my skin 
searing in pain 
pouring down me

Just one more 
Then two more 
But not for me 
breaking down  
But always for them 

The first one 
the hundredth one 
The next hundred 

Things I do
To make myself appealing 
Things I do
To make myself worthwhile 

But never for me 
Always for them 

For in their eyes 
What they see
Is all that matters 

For in their minds 
I am nothing 
Not even me.

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32 Reviews

Points: 202
Reviews: 32

Wed Nov 02, 2016 5:14 pm
Jpwriter wrote a review...

This is awesome. one of the things a poet commonly strives for is a meaning in their story the second is it having multiple, yours has that. its deep and could relate to anyone, maybe alcohol or drugs, something physical, or love, something emotional. that is something I have never been good at but you seem to do it naturally so please do more poems and let me know when you do, i cant wait to see your work. its a beautiful peace that deserves the title of a poem of the centuries, keep going.

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766 Reviews

Points: 650
Reviews: 766

Wed Nov 02, 2016 3:14 pm
Brigadier wrote a review...

Hey there Crowley/Matt/Cas/Whatever your name is now. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

Oh how I do love to tear apart poetry and lyrics. This shall be a bit of fun now that I'm taking a break from novel chapters to execute your dear work. It's mostly because I didn't finish that review I started months ago but also because the green room needs to be cleared again.

So first thoughts.
1. Since you've been poeting and publishing here awhile, I'm going to attribute the funky formatting to whatever the hell your style is. If you were a newb, I would have warned you about the dangers of the publishing center. I don't get the double line shifts but I'm sure it has some meaning. Or maybe you did in fact mess up.
2. I'm still not sure what the whole meaning of this poem was but knowing you, it has something to do with romance or a girl. That is legit all you talk about and write about, at least since I've known you. This one sounds more like 'trying to look nice, so nice girls will look at me'. I'm not sure how far away that is from the truth, that's just what it sounds like.

The Title
1. After reading through a second time, this makes much more sense, I shouldn't have rushed to my previous conclusion. Okay so 'sets'. Now I understand that you're most likely referring to the sets of weight lifting. Yeah probably should have caught onto that a couple of lines in. Never doing that much exercise is probably what slowed me down.
2. It's simple, somewhat to the point, and I think you did a pretty good job, if there were other readers, of reeling them in.

1. I have a lot of opinions on this but we're only going to cover the simple ones and the simple complaints. To start with, I'm undecided on whether I like your work or not. I'm always like that so don't think I'm judging you more or something. Really I'm leaning towards the side of dislike just because I've read so much crap like this and it all looks the same at this point. Your poem isn't great but it isn't complete trash either.
2. Lumi or one of your other poetry friends is going to come across this work and tear it apart even more with their better educated, poetry opinions. He's probs going to comment on all sorts of things I don't know, but that all is theoretical. I probably shouldn't torture your piece too much based on how often I see stuff shredded. I really don't care whose toes I step on anymore.
3. This poem/lyrics/whatever takes a couple of readings for the reader or reviewer to understand what is going on. If a reviewer doesn't comment on the cryptic-ness of all of this, maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. To me though, it just seemed a bit too mysterious. Poetry has all this symbolism and stuff but this seemed a bit too hard to translate back to normality for the casual poetry reader.

Okay well that's about all I have to comment on for you very short work. Hopefully some of this is helpful to you in some way.
Have a nice day.
The Queen of the Book Clubs

The first draft is a trip to the amusement park. The next drafts are returning there as a safety inspector.
— SunsetTree