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E - Everyone

The End (edited)

by Casanova


snippets of our old conversations still lie about
the old, over used,"I love you's,"
the questioning of how our days were,
and the photographs we took on our last adventure

remnants of our past times together remain
unscathed
in our memories
like pictures we're staring at constantly
to remind us of what we went through

yet when the days grow old,
the fog settles,
and the snow lies once more,
we look back at these photographs
and notice the film blurring what we once saw

I know my vision of us has changed, Mon Cher,
but I haven't

and I used to ask, and write,"¿Me Amas?,"
and hate you for things that were done,
that were out of your control

but nowadays,
when i have my cup filled with scotch on the rocks,
i ask myself a more meaningful question

did you choose, in the depths of your subconscious,
that it would be him-
or was your choice,
just to save us years of heartbreak
because you thought we weren't meant to be.


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36 Reviews

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Reviews: 36

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Thu Sep 06, 2018 3:20 pm
LadyAstella wrote a review...



This is such a relatable poem! Everyone has been through heartbreak once in there life time maybe even more. My favorite part of your poem is "Just to save us years of heartbreak because you thought we weren't meant to be." That hits me so hard because it would have saved everyone heart break if they just would of thought of what they were getting into before they made the choice to be in a relationship that wasn't right for them. Keep up the good work because you'll go far with your writing.




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Thu Sep 06, 2018 7:26 am
Lumi wrote a review...



I haven't given you a proper rip in a long time, and you did ask for just that. Just know I'm psychologically unpacking my own mess, so I'll be short with this.

1. You use photograph/picture too much.
Three stanzas in a row, you talk about the photographs from your adventures. Cool, alright, it can be a motif. But it's not a properly-executed motif if you don't a.) slow down the unfurling, b.) put deeper and deeper meaning behind each instance, and c.) be subtle with your motif work.

2. Foreign languages are...sketchy.
The French and Spanish reallllllllly threw me off in this piece, and I find their presence a bit sour in my mouth. You're building a feeling of nostalgia and looking back through the bottom of a tumbler. You've no need to hiccup the flow with other languages if not done expertly; and frankly, I just feel that in this instance they don't belong.

Finally, the scotch on the rocks is tried and true; it's almost cliche; however, I feel like it's almost a cornerstone for getting the nostalgic vibe here. Mayyyyyybe consider modifying the remaining imagery so that not so much hinges on a single image?

-Ty





The worst bullies you will ever encounter in your life are your own thoughts.
— Bryant McGill