Young Writers Society

Hi there. Something I noticed that could be fixed or changed is that two lines in the first stanza end in “memories,” which is a bit inconsistent with the rest of the poem. I loved how there are words italicized between each stanza, and the description in the poem in amazing. My favourite stanza is the last one, because it closes the poem perfectly. This is a great poem.

Everything about this begs a rhyme scheme. A lot of it can be cut.

Surviving only
So that one day it can escape
it's icy cage
And that one day
It can reign
On top of the ice
And to be free
Of it's frost covered chains.

This stanza, for example, is hyperbolic. You don't feasibly need everything past "...it's icy cage." You already emphasize the ice trapping the fire throughout the poem. This same method can be put towards the other stanzas. You overly stress the idea you want to portray in each stanza when a simple phrase, often a sentence you already have in there, would suffice. This poem would be a lot smoother and comprehensive if you eliminated any excess detail.

I liked the idea and the format is really nice. The poem itself just needs to be cut down a bit. After you trim the stanzas you can begin to add a meter or perhaps some symbolism rather than flat out imagery. In fact, that's my next critique.

A lot of your imagery is plain. It makes the poem feel flat and doesn't really engage the reader. Instead of so much imagery you can add similes or metaphors. Again, a rhyme scheme would also help engage the reader.

~The Stupid Lunch Item

This is Kaos here for a review.

So you went for something else here. That's probably the first thing that I noticed and I encourage you to keep writing about new things or topics, but here's what gets me; what does it actually mean? You have some pretty images, sure, but when pretty images are on their own without any source of theme or meaning, it's like making a building out of concrete without metal bars for the concrete to latch onto or be supported by. You need a bone structure to be able to hold flesh.

Ice covers the memories
Fire flickers underneath
Begging for the ice to melt
And for the chilled memories
To be released
But the ice stays
freezing

This was interesting. In a good way, that is.
The only real problem I can see is that in a few instances, you use "it's" when you mean "its".

What I liked: I thought this poem would have a depressing and hopeless ending, which would have been okay, but I liked the semi-hopeful ending much better.
The descriptions were intense and contributed well to the poem.

I loved the idea of the headings/sections.

Overall, this was good. Above-average, even. Keep on writing!