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things no one will understand go together but make perfect sense in my head

by Casanova


I

my poetry
            isn't as good as it once was

it's riddled with age
             the edges wrinkling in corners
the bone frail and weak

I long for the days where
it was once tall and beamed of emotion
                                (the day's I was once proud of it)


II

if two butterflies flap their wings
          does a tsunami happen on the other side of the world?
     or does the butterfly's actions' remain unnoticed

this feeling
           (this anxiety)
   is common throughout history
and yet we never wonder
              are we the butterflies
     or the stomach they reside in?


III
a young
          (well-off) boy
sits in his living room, waiting for his father to arrive home
he sits and he sits, but his mother
                                          (once young and beautiful)
              picks him up and reminds him
                                                       his father is out of town

"I hate this place and I hate you! I just want daddy!"

can you hear the mothers heartbreak?
                                   can you see the tears
                                                        that swell up in her eyes-
                                 that she wipes away in a seconds notice
                        to stop the boy from noticing?


IV

four candle sticks hang together
                       from a church's chandlier

drip
           drop


the candles are lit
                   one by one
      but seeminingly burn down
                                at the same time

the four candles
          live their life together
     watching each other melt down


drip
            drop


     watching the wax
             slowly drip to the floor
      to mix with the ash
               of the burning church


V

five men were given a path
                    to follow if they chose

one was the path of hardship and vigour
                             the life of a farmer
daylight to dusk he broke his back
               to feed his three children
                          and his wife
       (who in the end)
                           left him for another man
      the bank broker down the street


the second was given the path of fame and fortune-
an esteemed movie actor

he lived his life in loneliness
                    a feeling the alcohol
                               and the women could never cover up


the third and fourth were given similar paths

the older of the two joined the military at a young age
                    and spent his first eight years of adulthood across the world

        and came back to the States
                         to be despised and hated
                shamed for his part in the war
           no one saw the point of

the younger brother bore witness
             and sympathised with his brother
and when the time came
and the elder couldn't take it anymore
                  the younger brother took his life
                                      and held it in his hands
                   and crushed it upon request


the final brother was given the path of a Poet

his life was filled with sadness, emptiness, and despair
               (but instead of taking it from himself)
     he would write in his notebook
                 and describe each scene as if it were a movie
      and when the time came
                 he gave his notebook to his own children
        and greeted death as an old friend
                      whom he'd described many times
(almost accurately)


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Sun Apr 30, 2017 11:07 pm
Hannah wrote a review...



Hey, Cas,

I don't think I've actually had the chance to review a poem by you, at least not in a hot second (long while). But I enjoyed this. I enjoyed the insinuation that each of the five sections were about the same thing or connected in some basic way, because although they seem very disconnected, there are similar themes and emotions that come through when you're looking carefully for them.

My very favorite stanza is the fourth about the candles, because it gives me a quiet moment to just think about how this very simple act of dripping wax can be compared to losing part of your energy, your happiness, your life force. And the image is very simple and meditative, too, so I can focus on the one light glowing in a dark room, with white wax dripping down and away. I also really loved the last lines in stanza two, about whether we are the butterflies or the stomach, because if we are so anxious, why wouldn't it make more sense that we were the butterflies, fluttering and trying to get out of our cages? That's a really great observation and beautiful image/philosophy to include.

That said, I enjoyed much less stanza five (although the image of the younger brother crushing the older brother after so much trauma definitely got some emotion from me), and stanza three, and I think its because they were presented in such a straightforward way. There seemed like little poetic consideration for the construction of the stanzas, the sentences within them -- they feel more like prose broken up. They are still gorgeous, essential concepts -- that mother's heartbreak, if you can capture that? UGH -- but I think the stanzas could be reworked to present them in a softer, more insidious way, haha.

Lemme know if you have any questions/comments about this review through PM or reply here. Thanks for sharing!

Hannah




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Sun Apr 16, 2017 10:47 am
Kimmycat wrote a review...



Hey,
I love poems and I love the way you did the lines. It adds a cool look to the poem. You said at the beginning your poetry wasn't as good as it used to be, what do you mean? This poem is great! I myself right now has feelings such as sadness and this poem inspires me to write more.
The younger brother part, he killed himsef, and as of right now I think my friend has too.. but I said that because this poem is relatable, I like relatable poems.
Keep writing! This was great!
--Kimmy




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Wed Apr 12, 2017 4:41 pm
Midnightmoon wrote a review...



I like the theme of this poem, and the way you wrote it, I just have a few suggestions to make.

First off, Is there a reason for the format being jagged like it is? I just found it hard to read that way. I would maybe put like, 1 on the left side of the page, 2 On the right side, and so on. Or just Stanza it. :D.

"I long for the days where
it was once tall and beamed of emotion
(the day's I was once proud of it)"

I would just change "Where" to 'When'. And I would maybe change the last sentence to...
"Back to the days when I was once proud of it."
Keep writing! I hope this was helpful. :D.





I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter.
— Walt Disney