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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

When the time comes

by Casanova


"You've came to my chamber many times, but always fled before I could open the door."

Yes, I have. I've wanted to visit you for so long now, but we always had the deal I would only stop by, when I decided it was time. I know it's not time yet, but I wanted to look at you before we left the stage.

"What makes it different this time? How do I know you won't leave before time is up?"

Well, my oldest friend. This time, I come beckoning for forgiveness and humbly I implore you to let me stay. In this bed, in this room, in this kingdom, until the time is upon us. I won't resist, I won't fight, I give myself willingly to you. 

"So as the years went by, you began to see eye to eye with me. You began to look at the world as it is- nothing but white and black. I regret to say your revelation came to call in not enough time."

All that matters, now, is that I see it the same way as you do. All that is colour, is also darkness. All that is white, harbors at least a small bit of black. To take away all colour, to take away all meaning, and we're left with nothing but black. When you're left with nothing, everything just.. Seems to fade away.

"Are you ready for me to role you in, my friend? I've been waiting, craving this moment for years. Waiting in the shadows for you to decide that the time was nigh. And, finally, you've come to my chambers and offered yourself into my eternal residence."

The thought of leaving now.. It's so repugnant. I have but two hours more, so go away. I'll be with you when time snaps... When time snaps. 

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616 Reviews

Points: 122417
Reviews: 616

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Wed Jan 23, 2019 3:18 pm
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello, Shikora here with a review.

Let's get to it shall we.

Okay to start of this was a really amazing poem I thing you wrote it very well, you did it in such away it felt more like a story then anything else. And there is nothing wrong with that, to be honest it make reading this a lot more fun, and interesting.

I like the name you have chosen for this poem slash story. It got me thinking so I had to come and check out your poem, and once I got reading I couldn't bring myself to stop, until the end of the story sadly.
But getting your readers attention like that is really good. That is something you want. I mean this like was really good.

"You've came to my chamber many times, but always fled before I could open the door."

This was just a great way to keep us reading. Because when I read it, i new something was going on, but I wasn't really sure what, so I had to keep on reading. So good job.

I didn't see anything wrong withe your grammar, so that's good. But I can't say I'm a master at it, so there might have been some, but i didn't see it.

Anyway, I did so one mistake, but it's a very small spelling mistake.

Waiting in the shadows for you to decide that the time was nigh.

You can tell me if I'm wrong, but I'm sure the word in bold is supposed to be spelled like this, right. But I could be wrong.

But other then that I really liked reading this and reviewing it for you. I think you have really cool gift here, and I can't way to see what you will write next, and see it on YWS soon. Never stop writing and have a great day/night.

Your friend
Shikora. :D




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19 Reviews

Points: 152
Reviews: 19

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Wed Jan 23, 2019 1:40 am
salmintea wrote a review...



Dear Casanova,

This is a very interesting piece. Though I am left wondering, and yet a little confused, I find myself pleased with what you have written. I think it is interesting, and maybe my attention was slightly elsewhere, but I would love to hear about your meaning behind the piece. It is very beckoning, and I find it interesting that only one speaker is in quotations - as I assume (or I read it as so) that there are two speakers present. I would love to hear more about your piece, if you could explain in reply.

Though I did not feel as if the piece gave much of an explanation of the speaker(s) and their relationship to the piece, I feel as though it does not need it, interestingly.

I would love to hear about the meaning.

Also, I wonder if you meant to put "reel" instead of "role" in the second to last paragraph?

- B





I exist as I am, that is enough
— Walt Whitman