Hello fellow Knight! I'm going to start with some general observations as I read through and then I'll give overall thoughts at the end. I could do it the other way around but that might be a bit chaotic!
Specifics
1. I think put it on could be more interesting - how did she put it on? Did she shrug into it, slide into it, wriggle into it? The choice of verb can help give us an idea of whether she's confident or nervous. Did she sneak it over her head?
2.
I'm not sure mingled is the right word - it's a little clunky. Maybe 'brown stars delighted above blossomed roses'.brown stars mingled with delight above blossomed roses
3.
This should be but instead of and because it's not a continuation of the previous line but rather a contradiction to the persona's admiration.and you always think of yourself as a trash pit for all to throw their woes onto
4.
You're missing a space before the brackets.thatwho took your soft hands and crushed them
instead of gently hold[color-=red]ing[/color] them the way I try(yet after a minute you always shy away)
5. You have after a minute and then for a minute and then for a moment. These lines don't add anything. Maybe try a simile instead for at least one of them, like 'my blood rises like a shark scenting blood'.
6,
always wishing thedemonddemons in your closet would come out with me around
7.
You're missing a space again and maybe this should be 'the only place you never want to see'?and send them to Panama(the only place you say you'll never go to)
Overall
This is a very sweet poem! I think your theme is strong and the emotions are clear but you have some run on lines in the middle that read more like prose than poetry. Bringing the flow in a bit and adding some more imagery could really help to make this that bit punchier. It's a great start though, thanks for the read!
All the best,
~Heather
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