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E - Everyone

I'm sorry, if you ever even see

by Casanova


how can one describe the heartbreak
that comes with the passage of time?

that little voice in the back of our heads-
telling us,
                no,
pleading with us,
         to not do something
that we know we shouldn't do

that one thing i did,
that my voices told me i shouldn't do,
well,
hindsight is twenty twenty, i suppose

then i just liked the sound of your laugh,
the way you'd giggle when i said something utterly terrible,
the poutyness you had,
whenever i would go into one of my moods,
and do something irreversible,
something damaging

I may have been accident prone, as you called it,
but as were you,
when you fell for me.


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386 Reviews

Points: 27584
Reviews: 386

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Sun Aug 26, 2018 8:37 pm
Dossereana wrote a review...



Hi there @Casa I am here to do a review on your work first things first.
What I like
then i just liked the sound of your laugh, I like this for it reminds my of my sister for I like the sound of her laughs.

What needs work
that comes with the passage of time? every one has heart brakes over time and you need to lern how to control them at all costs.
no, what is the no doing I do not see why you are saying no.
pleading with us, I do not no why and what this sentins means why have you put it here what is its yous to you.
to not do something. why do you want me to do this why you should be doing something this is a bit stranch.
that my voices told me i shouldn't do, why did you do it if yo voices told you not to do it this is stranch and seeming like it is uncontrolled
hindsight is twenty twenty, i suppose, dose this in vol v math to it, for some reasen I am getting the feeling yes.
but as were you, I think this could do with one more word.
Suggestions
1 for: but as were you, but as were you with me, so that is all that I can say, so keep up with the good work. HAPPY REVIEW DAY.

@EagleFly out to seek and kill




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24 Reviews

Points: 27
Reviews: 24

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Wed Aug 22, 2018 8:54 pm
magiccharm2002 wrote a review...



Hello! This is a great poem! It's very relate able and clearly has lots of thought behind it. I actually just went through something very simaler to the situation described in the poem. Over all, amazing for sure!

Critique

Well, your poem has good flow that helps to make the over all story move forward and be easy to understand. The way you placed certain words and stanzas helped to add emotion and careful pauses in your work that over all made the emotional effect of this piece even more effective.

I love your work and home to read more of it in the future!




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12 Reviews

Points: 674
Reviews: 12

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Wed Aug 22, 2018 2:44 pm
slurringsugars wrote a review...



Hi,I'm Jess.

I think that this piece is very relatable, and I feel like it is something you just went through. You put in detail certain instances, and that adds more of a personal touch. I also like how you spaced the words out in a certain way.

My favorite part of this piece was the last stanza, it fits together very well.
I wish you all the best my dear!





if ya mention chickens, i have to show up, that is the law.
— alliyah