black kittens lined the path
as we walked down,
leaning on candy corn canes
seeing nothing but the orange, red, and yellow of
the halloween decorations that line every aspect
no, every nook and cranny,
that seemingly haunt me whenever i close my eyes-
even now
you stayed a hairs-breath away,
like when we ran through the haunted house
and the mans chainsaw whipped by
your face,
and i tackled him to keep you safe
i look back now, and laugh and how real
i once thought all that stuff was
the ghouls and goblins, the witches and werewolves
the laughter and the love,
you once tried to show me
we delve into our bitter sweet silence
relishing in every touch,
every moment
every fear, and every hope
and now i realize,
as i don my Joker mask,
and you don your Harley Quinn suit
that if I had been given two sweet-tart hearts at valentines day,
i would've fell for you twice as hard.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Woah this poem is so cute! I really loved how you mixed love with the theme of a Halloween, an uncommon and unlikely combo but done very cutely in this poem! I really like the details of this poem. Descriptive enough with good emotionally charged words to not need to much detail but not too little either. I like poems that do that because it shows a great balance of knowing how much to add and how to do it properly. I also love how in love the main character is with their crush, its honestly adorable (I really love romance stuff okay?) I also enjoyed how this poem really explores the romantic feelings of the characters in this poem. The one I do want to comment on is the flow, to me, it's a tad bit wonky? I don't know if I can say that because by the way the poem is formatted and appears to be written it seems to be a certain type of poem although I can't tell which really (Sorry, might make this review not as good
) But other then that I really enjoyed this poem!
Hey Cas! Happy Review Dayyyy! C:
So I sorta liked this theme of a love story? I haven't really read any love poems that are sort of halloween themed before, so I thought that was really kinda interesting- and a bit funny at times too, because it's talking about creepy sorta stuff and then the guy's laughing about it as he remembers the fond memories- even though it's like, talking about goblins and stuff. XP
One thing I noticed was that I found this poem a tad wordy at times. The sentence there, having the word 'corn' in it I found to be sorta random? I've never heard of candy canes that were also corn candy? Like here, there's definitely corn candy around halloween, but they're like little corn kernels- not canes. So I thought that was a little odd. Unless there's corn candy canes where you are? I also find it strange cause like, candy canes are usually associated with christmas. So anyway.
But back to the thing about wordiness: I find that there's often times a lot of things like "and" throughout this poem, and I thought that a lot of them weren't that necessary. If you can, I find that it's always good to read through your poetry and really look at the words critically and ask yourself: "does this word REALLY help the poem that much?" and if not, cut that sucker outta there. In poetry, lines tend to be stronger the less words they are. I mean, that's actually true to most writing- if you can say what you need to say in less words- go for it. It makes what your saying more direct and more concise. Which ultimately makes it impact the reader more! It's something that I'm personally REALLY bad at and need to work on myself!
I also felt like some words could have been a little stronger. "Aspect" isn't very specific or interesting, and sadly neither are nooks and crannies- nooks and crannies are a BIT more interesting, but they've been over used! Try to give us a completely new view on halloween decorations and where they are- if it's important enough that the idea of where halloween decorations are in a poem, then it's important enough to make it memorable.
Other than that, overall I thought it was a lovely poem! Keep it up, Cas!!!
-Holysocks
Hey there, Casanova!
This is Eros here with a review for this beautiful poem of yours.
I really loved the way you have written the things and the style of writing is also very smooth.
The word choice was also very good. However, to make the flow of reading smooth, I would just diggest you to keep the lines aligned to either the did or the centre. It looks like the lines are spread across the page in a random manner and that interrupts theflow of reading.
The title if the poem is also very apt and appropriate. Overall the ida was also very unique and beautiful.
Keep writing such awesome stuffs and we would love to keep reading them!!
Have a great day / night!
With love,
From Eros.
thanks for the review~