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E - Everyone

this has happened to me,

by Casanova


and i hope it never happens to you, 

but, 

you don't start praying for one to be the one, 

until you've had one (that 

                                         you thought was the one) 

and, 

       you lost them. 

this has happened to me, 

and, 

i hope it never happens to you, 

but...


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Fri May 18, 2018 6:31 pm
Radrook wrote a review...



Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this charming composition which claims we don't feel the way the speaker feels until we undergo what the speaker underwent-the loss of one thought to be the one. I like the way that the title contributes to the rest of the poem. I have never been able to do that with mine. I also like the poem's relaxed conversational tone to a certain degree and found the play with short words entertaining.

But the logic I found unconvincing because the premise is untrue. After all, losing one thought to have been special isn't necessary in order for one to feel that way. Sheer loneliness is enough to motivate fervid prayer for companionship. So the statement can only be taken as a personal opinion that has many exceptions. It is like saying that all Geese are black and then fining that several are white. So if it were mine I would make a similar statement but not have it come across as an invariable generality.

Suggestion

one -him, her, it
ones - them

All in all a very interesting read. Looking forward to reading more of your poems.




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Fri May 18, 2018 6:25 pm
RachMilty wrote a review...



This is a wonderful poem! I love your use of white space. It's very creative. I also enjoyed how you employed the title as your first line of the poem. This is a very relatable theme. Almost everyone has experienced some version of this, so it speaks to a wide audience. The cliffhanger ending is also very satisfying.




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Fri May 18, 2018 5:20 pm
ReeseSD wrote a review...



Hello! I really enjoyed this poem. It was very simple and short yet conveyed the thing you wanted to get across. Some of the spacing distracted me, such as the part Elinor mentioned, but other than that it was great. I really can tell what you were trying to say even though it was only eleven lines and less than 50 words. I'll definitely be checking out some more of your poetry!




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Fri May 18, 2018 3:52 pm
Elinor wrote a review...



Hey Casanova!

Elinor here to give you a quick review. I enjoyed this poem, and thought its message was very powerfully conveyed in a very clean and tight way. I can tell that you're a talented poet, and for that I commend you. When it comes down to it, what this is saying is that "I hope you never find someone and lose them". It's a clever play on the whole "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" although I don't know if you have that in mid when you write it.

Sometimes the spacing between the lines mostly works for me, except for this section.

until you've had one (that

you thought was the one)

and,

you lost them.


For instance, this is just my opinion, but I thought the spacing detracted from what you were trying to say. Personally, I would keep these on the lines that they are, but just have everything left aligned.

I also get what you're trying to say, but it feels a little bit clunky. As someone who is chronically (and currently very) single, I definitely think about meeting someone who is the one! Even the slightest interactions sometimes make me think. I get that when you're actually dating someone it could be different, but maybe this can be clarified.

Personally, I'd get rid of the but in the last line, as "I hope it never happens to you" feels like a much stronger line to end your poem on, especially in regards to how it all ties back to your title. I would say the same in regards to your first two lines. You could start on "you don't start praying" and the whole thing would be very tight.

These are just my opinions, so feel free to disregard them. I hope I helped, though, and feel free to drop me a line if you have any questions. :)

Best,
Elinor





Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
— Dr. Seuss