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the time i praised the mayans

by Casanova


i built your temple 
as a reminder of time spent 

i praised your absence 
as a message that i still cared 

i mention your name in passing 
so everyone will know 
the little sister i once had 

my god's can't bring you back 
my prayers can't fill this hole in my heart 

so i sit silently 
glancing at the temple 
every once in a while 
to remind myself that great things do come back 
to let myself know 
that you can come back to us 


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Sat Dec 16, 2017 6:42 pm
Audy wrote a review...



Casa,

I really love the title of this one with the context of the poem itself. Whenever I think of Mayans - the images that they evoke - I think of astrology and calendars and old civilizations and their mysterious disappearance, I think of their pyramids and so the temple lines were very evocative. In this way, I felt the Mayans here acted more like a symbol to the speaker than an actual literal take on them. If the speaker is evoking the same kind of images- the exoticness or their mystery and disapperance, then I can see how that would be likened to a "mysterious" disapperance in the case of the sister. But then, maybe make that connection more clear in the poem?

I also like the emotions in this poem are a bit more low-key, so I appreciate that a lot.

The connection between the temple and
"to remind myself that great things do come back" feels a bit loose. I am not sure where the narrator makes this connection. Something that I missed? Let me know.

I hope this helps!

~ as always, Audy




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Thu Dec 14, 2017 2:49 am
Radrook wrote a review...



Thanks for sharing your feelings via poetry and I am truly sorry if this is indeed a poem based on your little sister's demise. I say "ïf" because as poets we sometimes create situations that we might not have experienced ourselves. For example, the poet who composed the song Granada was a famous Mexican composer who had never visited Granada. Yet reading the verses one would assume that he had.

In any case, the poem does convey a sadness that one can readily identify with via empathy. The memories that one has of a loved one can very well be compared to a temple or shrine. A monument, such as the Taj Mahal which an Indian prince constructed for his wife upon her death during childbirth. A remembrance in honor of the departed.

The hope of seeing that loved one once more is shared by all Christians who believe in the resurrection of the dead either by meeting the loved one once more in the afterlife in heaven or else during a resurrection to life on Earth during the Millennium. So a Christian reading the poem would not be surprised nor shocked by your statement about great things coming back.

Why the Mayans?
What is praised is her former presence. Her absence is mourned.




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Wed Dec 13, 2017 5:55 pm
shusher wrote a review...



Joel here for a review! Here's some things I think might help, and some things I really enjoyed

"...still cared," would flow better rhythmically without 'still'

'god's' I'm assuming is supposed to be 'gods'

Some punctuation would help the readers.

"that you can come back to us" the 'that' isn't really necessary.

I'm having a rough time seeing how this all fits musically, assuming you're putting it to some. In other words, it's not really that smooth, but I did enjoy the content.




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Wed Dec 13, 2017 3:16 pm
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singhvaibhav wrote a review...



hey Casanova, a Really interesting name by the way, about your poem. Its a really sad topic that you have explored through your words here the death of a younger sister is devastating I am speaking from personal experience it ca break you down pretty quick if it actually happened to you my condolences.

Now to the poem It has an overall pensive feeling to it (I am assuming the temple built is a temple of memories and not an actual temple) it forces you to question your own mortality and the emotional dependence that majorly cripples a human being after the death of a loved one, the rhymes are absent this is where you can make it more rhythmic and striking the content is good but it lacks that striking factor that would catch someone's eye and make them say this is a piece of art you want to die for, this poem and the domain of death has a lot of scope for me (and feel free to disagree with me ) you just havent dived deep enough into the dark web of death and remorse and depression and hopelessness these things are interconnected if there is death there are depression and hopelessnes (in most of the cases) you could have gone all out, and you could have added a tremendous amount of gloom and depression and pain into it but you just stopped at the surface, if it was a concious effort its fine, good but if it's not then try and explore more, sit down with your thoughts let them take shape and form that seems meaningful and impactfull.

It is a good poem but it has the potential of being great one let yourself breathe in the darkness if you are writing about death feel it, read articles on it get close to death try to listen to the words of silence try and contemplate the meaning of death ( I know this all sounds a bit crazy but just try it once) your thoughts on death and remorse felt a bit horizontal to me try and explore the vertical aspect of it.

All the best for your writings and keep writing.





Perfection is lots of little things done well.
— Marco Pierre White