sunsets are a mysterious thing
all day i sat, on my little porch at the house you never had a chance to see,
bright orange(or, yellow as everyone else calls it, my shadeblindness
prevents me from discerning) beamed against
my hollow grey eyes that you always told me looked blue in the daylight
I wonder, are they blue now, sitting with her,
grasping her hand,
kissing her lips,
and holding her?
heh, it's weird, ya know?
April 29, 2016
the last day we saw each other- and I've written about it a thousand times.
we lied in the meadow at the park, near the pier if I recall
after showing off my doing push-ups with you sitting on my back,
I tackled you,
and wiped the hair from your eyes
your smile enlightened me as to what life was, then
I nodded, and you nodded back
and I took the opportunity to lean my head, ever so slightly down
so our lips could meet, for the first time
what was it, then? I know it had been a few months at least, a year of knowing each other, and I know at least five months of dating. it all started on that one day...
I don't remember all of it, but I remember how we met.
that one skype group your friends sister put us in together. we never knew each other, and yet I could tell you were feisty as soon as we started talking. my god, we hated each other that first week. yelling and screaming, cursing, basically trashing each other until we were blue in the face. it was all very strange then, until I called you one day while I was waiting on Black Ops Two to load, and we started talking on the phone. I said you were cute, you said I was handsome, and it all started then and there.
your birthday, 2015. do you remember that? I waited till midnight so I could give you a birthday present- I was too poor then to afford a gift. I called you, and asked you if you would like to go out. several months of knowing you, several months of loving you. and I remember, some days after before you were fixing to leave to someone's house for a few days without wifi and we were on the phone, I hesitate in talking, and after you questioning me over it I finally broke down and told you that I love you, and I'll never forget the feeling of joy I had whenever you said that you loved me too(it still rings in my memory to this day.)
I could go on and on about everything that I remember, but what I remember most of all is that through everything that happened, it wasn't your fault that it ended, and why you feel so horrible after everything, I don't know.. It's been almost a year now sine I've heard your voice, and been several months since the end of everything, and yet every now and again, I find myself going through old messages and screenshots, my heart vying for the part of me that left.
this laptop feels heavy in my lap
but not near as heavy,
as my heart
lonesomeness fills it,
which sounds cliche,
but true in every meaning of the phrase
my hands, weak from fatigue,
reach out for something,
dying for it,
but know that it'll never be there to be held.
looking out the window,
i can see several colours that fill my heart with rememberance
pink, yellow, red, orange
when looking, I only see two of the four,
but you always told me they were different,
although I could never tell the difference
the light's dimming, and tonight's the night of the new moon
funny how a simple day change could make me remember so much
sunsets are a mysterious thing
and sometimes, I'm afraid our love has set like our Sun,
but unlike It,
never to rise again.
what would you do,
if I were over you?