Hello!
Man, people get so intimidated by short poems. Sorry you had to wait so long on a review!
1. Okay so I know that this is a short poem, and that you probably want to keep it that way, but I think that the message is so classic and well-understood that you could probably do something to add more wordplay or poetic device. Because really, part of the joy of poetry is how it sounds. This is a message that deserves a little more depth in the visuals and other sensory details it could inspire.
2. While the structure here is quite clear (one thing, then its opposite), I think the fact that this poem is so short gives you the opportunity to try something a little more daring. There is strength in the simplicity and clarity of this piece, but it might not hurt to put out some iterations that are a little muddier, for the sake of pushing the genre.
3. It's interesting that you chose to have this poem turn dark, rather than be dark and turn light. It's a bit depressing, isn't it?
That's about it. I hope this helped a little!
Great work, and happy review day!
-Vento
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