cogitare

Hello!

Man, people get so intimidated by short poems. Sorry you had to wait so long on a review!


1. Okay so I know that this is a short poem, and that you probably want to keep it that way, but I think that the message is so classic and well-understood that you could probably do something to add more wordplay or poetic device. Because really, part of the joy of poetry is how it sounds. This is a message that deserves a little more depth in the visuals and other sensory details it could inspire.

2. While the structure here is quite clear (one thing, then its opposite), I think the fact that this poem is so short gives you the opportunity to try something a little more daring. There is strength in the simplicity and clarity of this piece, but it might not hurt to put out some iterations that are a little muddier, for the sake of pushing the genre.

3. It's interesting that you chose to have this poem turn dark, rather than be dark and turn light. It's a bit depressing, isn't it?

That's about it. I hope this helped a little!

Great work, and happy review day!
-Vento

Hi! B again! I am gonna make a reveiw of your short poem...


First off, I want to say that this is a very short poem, and It may be hard to review...


I want to state that there should be some capitalization.... It confused me a bit because it was a little bit unorganized...

I liked you it was a free versed poem, but there was some repetition of the same word..

"just one light in the darkness...undivided darkness"
I would have chosen another word for this, so that it makes a little more since, and it does not lose the reader.

"but one shadow in the light
can make you stumble off your lighted path"
I would have replaced "Light" with "Brighter" or something so that it makes more since....


Punctuation:
You could have added some commas and periods to make your poem plow easier....

OVERALL: I loved this poem, I gave a good use of words, and easier to see that it looks like, it gives off the feelings.

Good work, keep writing,
~B.