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Light our fire

by Casanova


wax dripped to the floor
of a familiar house 

one flame connects them all,
but distance separates 
the lingering connection 

the flame, which once was 
bright and healthy 
now burns down a withering candelabra

flickering, barely aflame  
until 
it smothers itself out 
in the ash remnants 
of a once beautiful display 

(you can't relight our fire,
if the candle's melted)


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Points: 3566
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Sun Oct 29, 2017 9:56 pm
Mathy wrote a review...



Hi, ZeldaIsShiek here to review your poetry and put a stop to the wicked Werewolves' plans! May the Witches rein supreme! I am also here to critique your work to make you and your writing better as a result. I am really excited to review this poem because I really like the Jewish imagery and feel that it really brings together the whole poem. I also enjoy the flame imagery and the metaphors that go on in this poem. Ready? Let's begin.

I like how, in this poem, you state that you can't relight the fire of a candle that has been melted. I believe this is relating to the fire or passion of someone who has beaten down by hardship and strife for their entire life and can not spring back form their spiraling depression. I feel like, while reading this poem, the true poetic nature of fire was revealed to me, and I experienced something truly amazing. That is why I am going to follow you and review some of your other work. I think you did very well on this poem, and that nothing I can say will help you improve it in any way, so it is practically perfect. The one thing that I thought was a bit weird was the statement that one flame connects them all. Could this mean this passion is of a family? A family working together, though they are separate, until they burn out and are done with one another? Great work, and keep writing poetry! ZeldaIsShiek- Out!




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Points: 389
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Wed Oct 18, 2017 8:48 am
popsicles wrote a review...



Heey hello there, here a quick review from Bree!

1. At first I love this poem and also how you use you're words they make it very strong and powerful

2. I think that the poem goes about a love that burns or that warms, that is beautiful!

3. You have talent please keep on writing and let me know that

Much Love: Bree




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206 Reviews


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Tue Oct 17, 2017 2:55 pm
DeerInBacPac wrote a review...



Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! So, lets get started. :D
First thing I notice when I read this is that the line "bright and healthy" needs a comma after it. Other wise i noticed no other grammar mistakes and there were no spelling mistakes or typos.
Now is when I dissect your poem and see I can get its meaning right! So, in his poem, I am guessing, that you are talking about a family who is strongly connected but they are falling apart. The seams are coming undone. The things that once connect them are just falling into and abis where they cannot be retrieved. The family that was once close is now slowly dying and there is nothing they can do about it. The candle/candelabra is representing the family, the time they have left together. It signals when the end will come. It is a timer for them. In the end, once the ashes have settle from the wicked fire and the wax has become firmer in its place, the event was over and there is no going back to fix it. Ever.
Overall, I really like the poem and your use of imagery and metaphors were excellent! Keep up the good work and Happy Halloween!




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364 Reviews


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Tue Oct 17, 2017 12:30 pm
zaminami wrote a review...



Hello Casanova! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
wax dripped to the floor
of a familiar house

one flame connects them all,
but distance separates
the lingering connection

the flame, which once was
bright and healthy
now burns down a withering candelabra

flickering, barely aflame
until {it smothers}
it smothers itself out {in the}
in the ash remnants
of a once beautiful display

(you can't relight our fire,
if the candle's melted)


Overall, this is very good. There were a few flow issues, but they are easy to fix. The imagery and the message is very clear in the poem as well. Great job.

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

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