It's not right, and I think you know that. So I'll leave that comment there but tell you that I really liked the eloquency. This is a poem that seemed very natural and not forced at all. I think the reviews are a bit harsh and I'm sure its because of the ending, which is cool, but dosn't fit all of the lines. If you are going to merge two poems together you better belive in adding, beyond resonable doubt, a reoccuring concistent theme, which failed in this poem when your last line failed to unite the whole peice together. (And sorry for the block of text I just spat out )
So the good, the lines which seemed together where awesome but overall is weak. These scrapps seem better belonging to another poem, but currently seem to have a nice respect to them. If you can somehow capture what your striveing to capture, the marriage of two poems, its will be beutiful and a very happy marriage that I would like to see.
In regaurds with a totally bias review,
ImHero
Points: 240
Reviews: 110
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