and the lone girl in rome

This poem, I like. It really captures the fall of Rome and the battle that took place during its destruction. I like how one little girls saw the whole entire fall of the city with her young eyes. The writing is very stylish and elegant, using words that brought the poem to life.

"when the weight of others push you strong,
maybe at a slow pace, but keeps you moving all the same,
then I cannot go wrong, and I shall look you in the eyes-
the eyes, like lanterns in the night, shall lead me somewhere
brighter."

This part of the story brought a sense of optimism to my eyes. This shows the girl that there is a future after the madness and that she will find it. Hope you continue writing.

its a pretty good poem, and i must say i like the line
" the eyes, like lanterns in the night, shall lead me somewhere
brighter."

however, i did not much like
"and the lone girl in rome, she screeches out to whom?"
it is cliche- and from what i see, you are capable of producing non-cliche pieces.
but the thing about the poem- it left me curious. goo job on that- my curiosity levels are relatively lower than others'(as much of the world is no longer interesting to me) so you must have done SOMETHING right!

keep on writing.
i predict great things for you... lol

I really like it!
My favorite part of poetry is that you don't have to have correct punctuation, indentation, ect. so really, there is nothing wrong with it.
I think this is a great poem and I really want to find out more about this girl.
Good job!!!!!!
To the companion and stylistic-twin for Lumi's true masterpiece!

i love the flowyness of the poem, could use a
little minor punctuations
and details but great all together
love the shortness of it,
keep on writting because yoour great at it(:

There a few grammatical mistakes here and there (such as not capitals, etc.) and the spacing was a bit confusing, but that was really the only thing I disliked. Despite my hatred for poetry, you've managed to captivate me with the short piece. Everything was so graceful, and just well played-out.

You've got me hooked on each word, and this is very well written. I enjoyed it.

~Bandit

alright! i've copied my favorite sections of your poem below:

your truths expose shadows come alive to fright.
rippling, it smothers my sense of what is right, squashed
and smashed, and squashed and smashed until there is no fight.
and the lone girl in rome, she screeches out to whom?
when she alone must bare her weight,
for the wonder-eyed child who looks to her for flight, or
for the deceased mother whose name she carries proud
who she cannot let down.
when the weight of others push you strong,
maybe at a slow pace, but keeps you moving all the same,
then I cannot go wrong, and I shall look you in the eyes-
the eyes, like lanterns in the night, shall lead me somewhere
brighter.

Your word choice and format were great!
Write on,
~Heidi~