Hallo.
Firstly, I apologize for taking so long to do this review. I took a sort of inadvertent break from YWS, and never ended up completing this review.
Anyway, this is actually really hard to do, because...I don't really understand what the poem is talking about.
I suppose with RoseyUnicorn's idea of it being from the perspective of a mermaid makes sense in general, but even so, I don't understand a lot of it, such as "Our bodies tracing skin and sundials phoning for shadow's kin", or, really, the entire last stanza.
I assume there is some deeper meaning behind this, but I have no ability to understand that meaning. I think usually it's OK to have a poem that only the author can understand the meaning of, because the readers can still appreciate the sound and wording and emotion and feeling and such behind it, but here...I don't know. I just feel as if there is something that I'm missing, that I should be able to understand this but for some reason am completely failing to.
Anyway...there's really not much that I'm able to critique. I do like the rhyming; it wasn't very noticeable, but it added to the flow of the poem. Besides that...it seemed that the stanzas didn't really fit together. The thoughts of the narrator seemed to go from thing to thing, without really explaining how they were connected, or, indeed, what exactly they were talking about.
So, that's really all I can say about this. Sorry for the wait, and sorry for the lack of things to say here. Perhaps with a better understanding of the meaning behind this I could have offered some suggestions, but...yeah.
Anyway, good job, and good luck with any future poems!
Valedictions,
Wherethewindgoes
Points: 10056
Reviews: 92
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