the kitchen -
it's not quite big enough
for seven.
in fact, it's not big enough
for one,
air so thin you could suffocate.
.
the only relief?
the window gives you a glimpse
of green
a glimpse of life, but it is
short -
and you're brought back to that corpse of a room again.
.
the oven -
the kitchen's greatest feature next to
the microwave
but only used for warming up pizza
and pre-made dinners
(no one has time for anything else).
.
my sister -
she's in the kitchen now, placing her
dirty plate
on the pile of innumerable dishes in the sink
that won't get washed
until midnight when a tired mother
or father
finally get home and do them.
.
the kitchen -
it's not quite big enough
for seven.
so how remarkably fortunate that the seven
of us
aren't together anyway.
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137,484 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
Heya Snazzy! Cat here to review your poem. I'll start by going stanza-by-stanza, so let's get going! c:
For the first stanza, I almost said "awe a small cozy kitchen", but I'm also getting a depressing vibe? Lots of deeper meanings in it, which is really good.
The second stanza is similar to the first, but the whole flow of it is kinda awkward and weird? Otherwise I like the description and wish there was more of it.
Third stanza is a little more of the I-don't-want-to-say-depressing-but-it-sorta-is thing. It does give me a deeper view into what it looks like and what type of setting it's in.
Fourth stanza is getting deeper into viewing the world around this kitchen. I wish there was just the tiniest bit more description, but overall it really adds to the poem.
The last stanza almost makes me want to cry? It ties up the poem really well though.
I really like the line breaks and overall spacing/end points of the poem. The flow was good except where previously mentioned. I really enjoyed this though! I think it is very good as it is, but could still benefit from a few tweaks.
Keep writing! =^-^=
~Cat
Oh that ending was kind of a sad twist there!
I'll be honest I think the formatting was a bit clunky where there was like two words and then a long line, repeat, repeat, repeat. It made it seem a bit robotic almost? I liked when the form mixed a bit and then people were introduced. The hyphens or dashes all over the place also added to the disconnected feeling of the lines. I'm not sure what different formatting I'd suggest instead, but I thought I'd point out that for me this way was a bit clunky because it never felt like I was reading a full thought but just partial ones from how the lines were divided.
I do like how you made the scarcity sound poetic without romanticizing it though. I can see the stark kitchen and close quarters that you pain in your lines.
You give short little descriptions of the family members, but I'd love a short few line descriptions given to the speaker too, to understand how they fit into this mix. For me it also isn't quite resolved why they aren't together - whether it's because they don't all live together, or have different schedules or just because of space needs. But that's never quite discerned for me in the poem.
Really the ending is great though. Because reading the poem, the expectation for me was that it was the size of the space that made it so restricting rather than the people in the space. And then by that last stanza, I feel like I need to read the poem entirely again, and try to understand those family dynamics clues that were given.
Interesting and unique piece! I look forward to reading more of you poems.
~alliyah
Hello! This was a very good read! It was well written and easy to understand.
A few things that could be helped would be the way you split your sentences.
ex:" the only relief?
the window gives you a glimpse
of green
a glimpse of life, but it is
short -
and you're brought back to that corpse of a room again."
With how you did this it takes away from the over all flow and understanding of the poem. Maybe try putting them together and adding punctuation.
Other then that, I don't see any other issues. Keep up the good work! I can't wait to read more of your writing!