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Young Writers Society



Do I?

by Snazzy


Do I, oh do I

make sense to you?

Do I bother you with

my homemade stew?

-

Do I, oh do I

act all that strange?

Does it bother you that

I don't spend my change?

-

Do I, oh do I

really sound dumb?

Does it bother you that

I am missing my thumb?

-

Do I, oh do I

ever calm down?

Does it bother you that

I can hang upside down?

-

Do I, oh do I

look like trash?

Does it bother you that

I don't have much cash?

-

Does it bother you that

all of this, I share?

I guess you should know that

I don't really care.

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17 Reviews

Points: 324
Reviews: 17

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Mon Jun 05, 2017 7:04 pm
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Hey just here to tell you that this was just, awesomely awesome and funny in every way.
You rhyme better then I do :D haha




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81 Reviews

Points: 3262
Reviews: 81

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Thu Jun 01, 2017 10:43 pm
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Lael wrote a review...



Hey, Snazzy! I enjoyed reading your poem. I think you conveyed the "don't care" attitude quite well. Just a few notes.

First, I noticed that in your first stanza, you say

Do I trouble you with

my homemade stew?
whereas you say
Does it bother you that
for the rest of your stanzas.

I think that with your consistent repetition until the final stanza, where you sort of break formation and rhythm, it helps the reader to really concentrate on what message you're trying to convey.

Personally, none of the things listed really bother me, except the thumb one was a little startling at first, since that is admittedly unusual. :) Good job, and keep at it!




Snazzy says...


Oh, I see what you mean! Thanks for the review! :D



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284 Reviews

Points: 4250
Reviews: 284

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Thu Jun 01, 2017 6:32 pm
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RubyRed wrote a review...



Hello, Snazzy! It's Ruby here previously Nunyabusiness, Wonderwoman, and Keepwriting XD

I decided to sneak in here while I had the chance, and give you a nice pleasant review for your first. Because obviously I liked this! It was cute, and it was also strange, but that added to the charm of it. The rhyming wasn't stressed, and even though you didn't capitalized the first word in every stanza I'm told it's up to the author I still really thought it was professional. One thing I was wonder though was, did you mean to have the first stanza different from all the others because in the first one it's

"Do, oh do I"

Then

"Do I, oh do I"

Throughout the rest.

Anyways, loved it! So cute <3

~Ruby <3




Snazzy says...


Oh yeah - I didn't even realize I left the "I" out of that first stanza! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!



RubyRed says...


No problem!




Be steadfast as a tower that doth not bend its stately summit to the tempest’s shock.
— Dante Alighieri