Young Writers Society

Hello, long time no see! It's me FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely night!

Lets start.

I to hate clocks they really are a pain, but like you said they are there to make out lives better, but I really go hate it when the alarm goes off in the morning to tell you to get up. I really like the humor behind this to, this is something I will come back to read when ever I'm feeling down and need a good laugh, you really amazed me with this poem.
But like you said in the end you need the clocks and deep down you no it.

Well sorry about the short review, everyone else did such a good job at pointing out the little things that needed to be fixed I didn't want to go over them with you. Anyway I really liked reading and reviewing your work, being able to tell you what I thought was really great! Post again soon. Have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix!
Reviewing with a fiery passion!

Hi there, Angel here to attempt a review! I love this poem because you're right about how clocks are. Clocks aren't meant to sugarcoat things for people and they're not necessarily meant to be friends, sometimes they're the most blunt friends a person can have or the most straight-forward enemy you could have to remind you of all the time you have left or all the time you've wasted. I like the fall apart bit you did as well, that's a really nifty thing I've never seen before. Personification of the clock was very nice as well, and mentioning how they can bring back memories felt very well put in this Poem, overall I think it's pretty awesome.

Hey it's TheRealOne here to leave you a real review!:)

First I like the topic of the poem. It is very relateable since everyone knows the feeling of looking at a clock and realizing you've wasted time. I like the form of "fall apart". It adds a nice effect to the poem and makes it more entertaining to read.

I hate clocks because
they tell me how it is.

The personification of a clock is very nice to read about because a lot of people feel exactly like this, especially people with types of anxieties. How you did the "fall apart" piece was very creative and was nice to look at and read, it really makes you have to look and read slowly. But I do have some questions. What is the narrator remembering? How does the clock bring back memories, and of what/how?

To be honest this poem was just a bit too simple. It would have been better if their was just a bit of descriptive language. I felt like it was boring and it didn't really grab my attention, it's very critical that you do grab the readers attention and you do make it brief but descriptive at the same time. But other than that keep up the good work and keep writing!

To be honest, I felt like something about this poem is off. I just didn't feel it. The subject that you're talking about was very powerful and you could really develop it, but I felt like the words didn't carry this meaning through. Overall, everything seemed a bit rushed and not thought out. Here are the things I think you need to improve:

1. One of the reasons the poem felt a bit shallow was because it had very little emotions. You fall apart. So? What are the emotions? Is your heart shattering in waves of sorrow? Does the past cast shadows across your dreams? You don't have to be as dramatic as the examples I gave, but some description would be nice.

2. I agree with Chekwube about the use of the word hate. I feel like it took away from the feeling of the poem, hate being such a strong word. I suggest maybe showing how you feel, not just telling. For instance, "At every tick, anger washes over me" or something like that.

3. I think you could add more description to your points. I feel like they aren't as strong without it.

Overall, I did like the ideas, but you need to elaborate some more. Sorry if I sounded too harsh, but I feel like there was a bit of room for improvement.

I didn't like the poem, sorry.
I think at the end of each verse you shoult "end and ideia", probably you should start with prose. You could explain you're point much easier and more clearly.
But the theme was good! :p

Hello SnazzyPencil,

I hate this poem - pun intended, please - because it reminds me how people can write horrible stuff and call it poetry; and I wish you would not take it amiss.

The poem is too shallow. The play with 'fall apart' falls apart itself. The punctuation does not work.

I like the idea, and have once felt the same way, which is why I wanted to review it.

I would prefer you not use the word hate; it's too strong and the strength of that emotion is not sustained in the entire poem.

Overall, I like the poem because of all the things I don't like about it, how it is experimental. The 'badness' is original, just have to develop it. The poem is not excellent surely, but that should not discourage you. Keep writing!

Nice poem. I really like the theme. One complaint, I had trouble reading the fall apart bit. Other wise it is great.