Young Writers Society

it is a review

woow !! So pretty rhymes .Very sweet and gently floating. Amazing !The choice of your words are very impressive. In a short space you explained your pains and sweet memories.

Actually it is very hard to gather perfect words to explain our emotion and what we want to say.And all those words resembled so gently and swiftly .

Some are write poem just arrange lots heavy words. But there is no soul in it.What I want to say is, you have a good soul who can play with words so beautifully .

Thank again, I wish you will go forward with your amazing quality.have a great , honorable , success life.

The suspense at the start almost killed me...
Haha!! Superb and keep up the good work:-)

Hey there, Snazzy! I'll be reviewing your outstanding poem.

I love this feel and sensation running all through the poem. It's really touching in a way that's hard to explain. I think you really hit it spot on with the mood in this poem, it's fantastic and runs very nicely with the words you have put together and formed. You have turned this small and simple topic into something that is filled with beautiful descriptions and imagination.

A shard of glass,

a broken frame.

A lonely picture

a childless name.

The gun the bang

the crack the shot.

The whispered words

the world so hot.

The poem itself is sound. But the topic your covering is ground already covered by so many people. You might want to find a unique way of doing it. Otherwise this poem is excellent.

Hi Berry here! And I read a lot of poetry but this is officially one of my favorites. It's so dramatic and you added beautiful vocabulary. I especially liked the line, "An oblivious mind."

The only thing that I would suggest fixing is that you need some punctuation. More specifically; commas.

"A trunk, a chest,
a world left behind.
A stain, a mess,
and oblivious mind.
The gun, the bang,
the crack, the shot,
The whispered words,
the world so hot."

I guess you don't really HAVE to add commas at the end of the lines, but the poem is a bit confusing if you don't add commas when you are listing things.

That's really all I could find to fix, so awesome job! Can't wait to read more of your work!

I like your poem and the concept behind it- the use of "memory" to reinforce the title at the end is very effective. Perhaps your grammar is a little off at times but it doesn't take away from the overall effect of the poem. It picks up slowly and works well with its theme. Nicely done, best of luck writing more!

Hey, I'm here for a quick review!

So like this poem because of its rhythm and rhyme. Especially the rhyme, because it rolls of the tongue--just perfectly smooth. It also looks like a nursery rhyme, and I think the rhythm can be made powerful by more use of punctuations.

A lonely picture
a childless name.

A forgotten toy
a forgotten dream.

A trunk a chest
a world left behind.

Another lost child
the enslaved - the free.

Hello there! I really enjoyed this, and whenever I really enjoy a bit of writing, I feel it is my duty and my obligation to let the extremely talented young writer know just how much I enjoyed it and tell them why I enjoyed it. So I might as well get started.

What I like most about this is the story behind it. It's one of those things where the reader knows that something happened, and has a basic idea of what that thing was, but it is open-ended enough to let the reader fill in whatever they like as the event. Poems like this are often attempted, rarely successful. It is very hard to find the right balance between "what do I tell them?" and "what do I leave a mystery?" I think you did really well with this. Could it be better? Probably. Do I, in my extremely limited practical knowledge of poetry, know how to make it better? Not in the slightest. But you're the writer, and a mighty good one at that. You'll figure it out.

Now, if you didn't know, I am mildly (i.e.: extremely) OCD about things. It can be the randomest things that set off my nerves. Often, when I write poetry myself, it is extremely structured and patterned, with meaning behind everything from word count to punctuation.
That's why I like this poem. You don't seem to have a set pattern of repetition for things like word count per line, syllable count, or anything like that, but it just looks and feels so nice and organized and structured that it makes me feel happy inside. You deviate from the set pattern just enough to get across that emotional appeal that turns this from a poem into a story, without losing the rhythm. I love it.

Overall, if you can't tell, I really liked this. I'm out of time in class to tell you more, so I leave you with that: GOOD JOB!

Wow this is really good I like this. The one thing I want to point out though is, " A trunk a chest" what if you added a comma between the two, " A trunk, a chest" same with "A stain a mess". Other than that you did a great job on this poem. I like how you alternated capitalizing and lower-casing the first letter in each line. I have not seen anyone else do that. Your rhyming made the poem flow. I have nothing to really criticize. That's a good thing. Keep up the fantastic work.