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Change the Past(?)

by Snazzy


If I could change the past,

would I be strong enough,

brave enough,

to alter the winds of time?

-

If I could change the past

just how much would I change?

Would I change the good, the bad,

the strange?

-

If I could change the past

how long would I last 

in a future so desolate and bleak?

-

How can I change the past 

when my present is

so weak?


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Thu Mar 09, 2017 4:24 am
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take3breaths wrote a review...



this is actually very interesting. I wouldn't recommend a title change at all, it fits. it's so relatable too. I feel like you truly meant all that you said in this poem. I wonder where you got your inspiration because a piece like this always has a backstory. how could it not if it is so passionate? the rhyme scheme correlates so well with the flow and rhythm in this poem. the idea is quite original. I rate 5/5. I would absolutely love to see more of your work. (p.s. the vocabulary was top notch as well!)

~ sorry for my inability to write a proper review, but in lament's terms, the poem is awesome.




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Thu Mar 09, 2017 4:06 am
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Que wrote a review...



Hey Snazzy~

This is a neat poem, I like the past changing idea. :)

If I could change the past,
would I be strong enough,
brave enough,
to alter the winds of time?

...Isn't changing the past essentially the same as altering the winds of time? I feel like a more powerful message would be, "would I be strong enough... to face an unknown future?" or something more closely tied to your message.

I saw below that you wanted to say 'leave the past in the past', and personally I think that it could come through a bit stronger, as I didn't pick up on it at first. When you say that the future is bleak and the present is weak, I feel like it's actually supporting an escape, an altering of the past rather than the dangers of changing past actions.

If I could change the past
just how much would I change?
Would I change the good, the bad,
the strange?

I get that all of these things would change, but maybe it would make more of an impact of you said something like, "If I got rid of the bad, would I get rid of the good too?" or "If I escaped the bad things of my past, would I find new bad things?" Those are phrased horribly, but hopefully you can see what I'm getting at. Would those be more of the direction you're going?

How can I change the past
when my present is
so weak?

I like the ending! Sometimes I get that feeling, maybe helpless would be a good word for it too? You could put that in some where. I like how you break from your previous pattern of "If I could" questions to ask a "How can I" question. <3

Really nice overall! I think it could get a bit deeper and more purposeful, but I love where it's headed. :)

-Falc




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Points: 133
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Wed Mar 08, 2017 9:29 pm



Hello Snazzy!
Your poem was short, beautiful, powerful and I absolutely loved it. The message that you included in this is very strong. I really enjoyed reading this.




Snazzy says...


Thanks for reading!



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Wed Mar 08, 2017 8:01 pm
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MeisterChan wrote a review...



Hey, Snazzy! It's ScytheMeister here for a quick review :)

This was beautiful; short, simple and easy read. I loved the reoccurring message in the poem, it really was not hard to pick up on and I think this is why it was so great. I could tell that what the person was trying to say was she is took weak (or rather, she believes she has no ability to do something greater than herself. E.i. she has low confidence)

However, I potentially picked up on something. The repeated line "If I could change the past" portrays that something has occurred in her past, something she has no grasp of and is something holding her down, metaphorically speaking.

She is considering herself "weak" now and that in order to overcome that belief, she needs to "change the past" or rather, what she really needs to do is accept the past. Rather than change it. When she says "change" it almost seems as if she's running from it, rather than accepting it.

She needs to overcome it to make the future less "desolate and bleak".

This was short, I failed to find anything grammatically wrong. Good Job! I hope to read more like this ^-^

Keep Writing! <3

- ScytheMeister




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Wed Mar 08, 2017 7:36 pm
Silberfee says...



Really simple, beautiful poem. Its very easy to read and flows. It is open to personal interpretation, but as a reader I'm really curious why the speaker's present is so weak, and why the future is so desolate and bleak. Why would changing the past make the future weak?




Snazzy says...


I was trying to go along the lines of "messing with the past is bad" and "leaving the past in the past" kind of thing, because sometimes, although we think changing our past mistakes can help our future, it can do the opposite. All of our choices matter and have profound effects on our future.

Thanks for reading!




I’d heard he had started a fistfight in one of the seedier local taverns because someone had insisted on saying the word “utilize” instead of “use".
— Patrick Rothfuss, A Wise Man's Fear