Looking inwards we find old caverns
shaping our skeleton
that have a terrifying hollowness to them;
we wait for creatures to reach their arms up
and drag us down to hell, gnashing
their teeth and howling but no —
there is only heartbeat, and breath,
like a great wind: god whispering to us.
Spirituality lies quietly forgotten in the corners of us,
but it leaks from the cracks of our skin
like a stymied flood. The emptiness
is not unkind or looming,
but a clay bowl waiting
to be filled, cracking in the dry air,
yearning for something more than whispers,
and we can’t help but answer.
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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
this is really a fine piece and i like the language and words making it sound more real.
the poem really excited me am i was too engrosses. but i found that the thought was too vague and whenever i settled on some theme it seemed to take another direction. i would rather like some explanation of its theme before suggesting some errors i came across...
hoping for a reply
Rituparna..
Okay first of all basically I praise them for there work. So here goes for you too.
Great Work!! Now coming to the negative points I found some lines rhyming and while some did not. In my opinion, If you have the thinking of rhyming the poem then the whole poem must be rhymed. Not like some are rhymed and some are not. Second thing, It kind of seemed simple type. Simple in the sense not in a poetic manner. The Lines -
"like a stymied flood. The emptiness
is not unkind or looming,"
It seems as if it is a complete sentence which has been split in two just to make it seem like it is a poem. Dont do this. Other than there are a few grammar mistakes.
Thanks
where are the rhyming lines? because that was entirely unintentional
These :-
looming,
but a clay bowl waiting
Air and whispers
you have an odd concept of rhyming lol
Hello.
I must say I really liked this. This was very well written, as well as being a somewhat interesting poem to read. It was very nicely formatted in terms of content and was complete with an array of similes, metaphors and vivid imagery. While reading this, I felt like I was able to visualize what you were talking about, in addition to the fact that this was an interesting piece to read. Very well done.
Very cool poem. I liked the concept, and the metaphors you used. You definitely nailed the inner longing of every human to give their life some sort of spiritual meaning. This was so good I wanted to keep going, but you stopped! Any chance there's any more coming later? Very interested to hear your answer.