Rites of Purification:
1) You burnt your house down because there were too many ghosts. Everyone you touch is infected with them, living with them, and you want to hole yourself up from the disease, but your hands pass through one another like loosely held dreams and it is too late. There is no where to go but ash.
2) You are swimming in the glasshouse of your home, trying to sink into your bed and floating to the ceiling. The clock echoes its cold green, reads, “You aren’t getting any sleep tonight,” and you drown in it, everything, here, all at once.
3) You drank the sand from your father’s hourglass when you were just a child. There wasn’t a name for the taste, but sometimes, in those brief moments when you feel older and greyer than you have the right to, there it is again, as if waiting to be remembered.
4) Sometimes you forget what it feels like to keep a secret — your hands, voice, and eyes are all secrets and every time you use them, you are bare and confessing. No one seems to hear them and you wonder if they’re to be kept at all, but don’t know how to give them away.
5) It wasn’t your fault it wasn’t your fault it wasn’t your fault but sometimes, when the thread of you is stretched long and thin, you can feel yourself snapping
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Hi, hope this review helps you in any way. I really liked this poem but the first thing that came into my mind was- Why is this in poetry? It doesn't seem too much like a poem, perhaps changing its arrangement would make it more suitable for the poetry section. The way you have used the descriptions in this poem is rather remarkable.
This paragraph (if u want to call it that) is my favourite:
"4) Sometimes you forget what it feels like to keep a secret — your hands, voice, and eyes are all secrets and every time you use them, you are bare and confessing. No one seems to hear them and you wonder if they’re to be kept at all, but don’t know how to give them away."
I would conclude this by saying that I loved your poem but it could (maybe) use rearranging.
- Anshira
Alright- can I just say that I love this really a whole lot? Like a lot a lot. I read the title and I thought it'd end up being a little sketchy but you had me hooked by the end of the first sentence. I'm absolutely in love with the wordiness! It has spectacular voice and some good flow to it. It's like seeing into the inner most regions of someone and just examining them and playing it out and wow I just like it a whole lot.
I didn't say any spelling or grammar mistakes at all so cudos on that good sir/madam.
If you've got anything else similar to this in your portfolio on this site then tell me because I would love to get another fix of it!
9/10 (the only thing keeping it from perfection is the length - I totally wanna read more!!)
:y