in some deep breasted
short lunged fit of NOTHING I could conjure up
in these panic ridden days I write furiously, like the cops have come again to raid me of words like they were drugs I were selling on the street and it’s almost dawn now, it’s almost time to dry my tear stricken sad poemed eyes and look at brighter things, the stain on my wall, the droop, sag, heavy ceiling that feels like it could
collapse, like a heartattack, like me falling to my knees when the room won’t stop spinning
and I can’t stop dryheaving and I am sorry that you had to carry me through so many years
of hospital bills and notes left behind on kitchen tables
when I was not sure of the steadiness of hands anymore when they held a knife in them
but sometimes it feels like each word you say to me is a rainstorm and I am droop, sag, falling in like the ceiling,
burying myself in myself.
there are too many words here and not enough lung, and if you keep yourself from breathing for too long, each second starts to feel cold and distant and thin, like stepping onto a frozen lake and waiting for the ice to give way, to fall into numbness but it cracks and stays and you’re too afraid to move, too many times that I have said things that I don’t mean, or worse yet, not said anything at all, and I am
sorry sorry sorry for my silence
when you decided that your hands belonged between my thighs because I am just flesh and warmth to you, somewhere to bury your cock when you decide it’s cold outside, you don’t know how my heart doesn’t want to let the idea of someone else go and you have gripped your hands around it, shook it like you’re trying to rattle out secrets from my unwilling mouth but I have nothing left to give, nothing but that submissive silence and fumbling hands of “please get the fuck off of me” and
please, please get the fuck off of me, the persistence of words, of hands, of lingering stares and “you look beautiful today”s make me want to slit my wrists and remember that time when you told me about these words, living in the sides of my mouth like bacteria, how you told me I had “potential”, I could see and taste and hear things in a way that no one else could and I exhaled words constantly, poems in every damn thing I said, overwhelming, overbearing, overdone and dry and I am sorry that I could never be what you wanted me to be, that I have these longlasting memories of being the rock who thought she was a pearl and I’m even more sorry that you thought you’d seen something special in me
sometimes I think I forget how to breathe, or write, or talk, and this silence makes that note more and more difficult to write, and I wonder if some day, I’ll stop asking you to carry me on your back, if I’ll simply take that extra step on my thin ice lake, if I’ll crash into myself, and simply stop being.
Oh wow! That was breathtaking, it was simply amazing, and beautiful, and just spoke the words every suicidal person tries to bury saying that everything is okay or will be okay! I loved this. I absolutely loved this and when I first looked at it I thought more of a short story than a poem, but this is too much emotion, too much mystery, and beautiful truth to be a short story! The only problems that I have is the punctuation and lining, but if your lining was correct and like everyone else's than it wouldn't be so raw and unique. God, I hope to see some more work like this, it is so refreshing to read something that isn't about the same bull crap over and over again!
You have officially made my Saturday night stay in worth it! The part about the sex or rape? Either way it was mesmerizing! I couldn't stop myself from reading more and more until I was lost in this thrilling story of truth behind the eyes of failed suicides and that life you wish you were not given! I just can't express how much I loved this piece! Honestly, when I first looked at it, I was ready to turn away because of it's format and with the length, but as soon as I started reading there was no way to stop! You definitely have a new follower and fan! I can't wait to read more of your work, I just hope it is as breath taking as this!
Wow, I have never been this excited after reading someone's work, haha first time for everything!
I can't believe this hasn't had a review yet... It's amazing. The way your sentences flow, it's a relief after seeing so many poems and short stories in which I forced myself to read at least half way on this site. The descriptions, the comparisons- they all fit. I even found myself holding my breath as I read the second paragraph. Very good job- keep writing!