Young Writers Society

Wait so is the house the animal in your mind?
I love how you left so much to interpritation so it can mean something different to everyone who reads it. I also really like the almost foreboding sound this story has to it. The person before me has done a lot better giving you technical help but I want to say I like how it's almost seems like a rough draft, it's raw, it's different. The style really goes with the animal thing, do you know what I mean.

This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!

Can't copy and paste the stanzas down here with the [quote][/quote] so I'll have to go stanza by stanza without using that! I enjoy the atmosphere and tone that's set up in the first stanza of this poem with this sort of grey or colorless outlook. I'm unsure of 'a sort of' is needed i nthe third line, and in the fourth I'm in the belief that 'window sil' is supposed to be 'windowsill' or 'window sill' though I could be wrong and there's a space in the world where it's spelled that way. Nothing much wrong with the first stanza, though the transitioning between the third and fourth lines is a little odd and I'm going to suggest that you consider playing around with that.

The start to the second stanza is one that I found to be a little odd. Specifically the wording here is what I'm talking about though I found that the imagery is a little minimal in this stanza. I'm assuming the 'but have learned' is following up on the 'in coming home' stanza, or it's more of a continuation of that, though I'm not sure. Playing around with the wording of the first line could be beneficial in making the stanza have a stronger flow though I'm a fan of the 'breathy reply' line and how it's followed up. The overall flow and cohesiveness is something that impresses me. Specifically how you're able to keep this one thought so well composed throughout the poem.

I did want to note that the third stanza, (if you could call it that since it's more of a couplet) is a little odd so I suggest playing around with the wording there, though I wanted to note that I'm a fan of the last stanza. Particularly how you go about the structure of the last stanza is what I found to be so effective with the word choice strong. Nice job on that!

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.