the mask shop on the corner
was on fire. I stepped in, and burned with it.
moons and jokers and suns
and petals, all burning
and fragile and curving under the artist’s hands;
he had a face like a forest fire
and I had eyes like a harvest,
reaping what I saw with a sickle-minded wonder,
regretful that I would not see it again
and I left burnt, open and charred and wondering if I could
ever burn with that light
or intensity again.
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139,533 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Hello, NightWolf here to review your poem.
Wow, the vocabulary you have used is so intense. I can just see the face like forest fire. The imagery is so detailed, I can imagine it so clearly.
My favourite stanza was the first, the words...just brilliant!
My two issues are the fact that there are no commas, but, this is entirely your choice as a writer, though commas do help the reader establish flow.
My second issue is the lack of capitalization at the start of each line. Also, the structure looks a little strange to me. On the first stanza, after "was on fire." shouldn't there be a new line after that?
I really liked this, I look forward to reading more.
Hello Persy, Jonathan here with a like to your poem.
Okay well I have a few questions for ya.
First: is do you have a plot in this poem and what is it?
Second: Why one earth did you step into the burning shop.
Super super small mistake here, I think you should capitalize the first letter of your poem.
Who are you talking about in the first line of your secound stanza, Well that is a strange thing to wonder after getting your pants scorched off, Man can I burn that nicely again?
Overall, No offense but to me this didn't make to much sense, I mean it was good in a way I liked it but it was strange some of it didn't make sense. But that is probably just for me.
Keep writing and good luck.
~Jonathan~
Wow. That was intense. I wonder why they decided to go inside the shop. I like the imagery: "he had a face like a forest fire/ and I had eyes like a harvest". I really imagined that. These two people were burning inside of a mask shop, the feeling of being burnt was not something that the narrator would never want to feel again, they actually wanted to go back into the flames and feel that feeling. The narrator obviously cared about this place very much because they stepped into the flames and after being burnt to a crisp they wanted to revitalize those feelings. This was a good poem. Thanks for sharing.
OMG I love Venice! I went there when I was younger, only thing I remember from my childhood haha.
I love the imagery, all the burning and death really leaps off of the page.
So onto your poem: well it's definitely free-verse which is a form I love
My favourite part is the first stanza, it's just so lonely and dark. Everything is dying, even the inanimate masks. It's almost manic.
The last few lines really leave you wondering what the fire all means. Why was the shop on fire? And why did you go into a burning shop? Most of all what does the light mean?
It asks question after question which leaves the reader wondering. I really love it
um
Is there a problem with what I said?