evolution of the fall

Hello here to review this wonderful poem!

I don't have much to say as I absolutely love this piece of poetry, so this will be a very short review.

"yesterday I bought my own soul
with loose change. my pockets rattled
on my way home with it, louder
and heavier, more clumsy
than the pennies and dimes."

This was my favorite part of your poem, I especially like the fact that you may have perhaps been soul-less to start off with and in doing so you bought your own soul at your own cost and how you'd carry it in your pocket as if it was a part of your pennies and dimes. It being heavier and clumsier was interesting as it shows your soul is maybe more precious than pennies and dimes and how your have to be careful with it because it can be "clumsy and heavy."

"today I think I walked home in my dream,
feet glancing over ocean,
steps steep and falling
apart like an old stone ruin."

Here I like how you went from confidently buying your own soul to fear. As you're falling apart in your dream that may be a symbol of fear.


"tomorrow I will wane down
to a crescent flower,
a sliver or splinter,
standing on my tip toes
and slowly losing balance."

I like the imagery included here of a "crescent flower, sliver or splinter".
And from fear in the previous stanza, here it's almost like you're trying to find yourself again learning to stand on your own two feet again, back to the confidence you had in stanza one but with the last line slipping back into fear, "slowly losing balance"

Overall I really enjoyed this poem, it was thought provoking and interesting, well done and I hope you keep on writing poetry, for you are indeed a poet!

-Infinity x

Hey Persy!

As you know I'm a huge fan of your work! So i'm happy to review!

Now what I notice in this poem is the theme of losing oneself.

Stanza one
In the first line you say that you bought yourself. As in you just claimed yourself. You also go on to talk about your change, and describe it as being plentiful. This could imply that your soul was inexpensive.

This is a very powerful stanza Persy.

Stanza two
This stanza explores more of the theme of losing oneself. You show some uncertainty. You also talk about how the speaker walking on water. This is a great miracle (if it is in a biblical sense) and you downplay it.

Again a very powerful stanza.

Stanza three
This is a the most powerful stanza. You talk about either becoming better or worse (that may be confusing) and either way you will reach to far and fail. Seriously Persy!

Overall, this poem amazed me. I felt I had to write down everything I thought for it may run away. It's hard to decipher your poems, but they're beautiful, and well worth it. It's so carefull, and yet such raw emotion. It's indescribable. Beautiful work! Well befitting of someone who's occupation is 'Mindfucker'

Hello, I'm K here to sort of review! But mostly praise!

Your poem is the reason I am a poetry nerd. This was so beautifully written and well done. I love how you describe the speaker's soul as "rattling" and "heavier, more clumsy." Normally souls are seen as such graceful, light things and this offers us another perspective! And of course, there's also the second perspective of having to buy your own soul.

Your flow here is so strong, and your word choice is beautiful. "Steps steep and falling," "a sliver or a splinter," etc. They're all just so beautiful.

As for weaknesses, I don't really see any. Personally I love the lack of capitalization, and the punctuation seems fine. The things I normally can pick out in any poem, (lack of theme, story, dull word choice, needing improvement on flow, etc) don't seem to exist in your poem!

You have definitely gained another fan with this poem, and I can't can't can't wait to read more. As soon as I'm done typing this, I'm probably going to read through all of your poems. ^.^

Hey Persy, wait your name is really Persy? Wow like persy from persy Jackson and the lightening theif? XD I love your name!

okay now coming to your submission. the poem was a great peice and I enjoyed reading it too. i loved your idea of showing the past, present and future in the poem. It was very innovative and I must say, it gave your poem a good effect. your poem was also in Stanzas which is another positive point I am stating. but let's see the mistakes now, shall we?

I am gonna start with stanzas, in the first one it wasn't suppised to be in 5 lines, The last 3 lines of the stanza seemed in complete. i think it would be better this way:

"Yesterday I bought my own soul with loose change
and my pockets rattled on my way home,
louder and heavier,
more clumsier than the pennies and dimes."

'with it' in the second line isn't really required, it feels extra and obstructs the flow of the poem. also the poem did not have Puntuations in it which is very important. very very Important.

so seeing above you can see that the formatting of the poem was an issue but the poem was really good (trust me)

Let's move on to the second stanza, there wasn't any problem in it except for the fact that it lacked in punctuation and a few grammatical mistakes like the 't' in 'today should have been capital, etc.

The third stanza also seemed fine except for the fact that the second and third line didn't seem to go along with each other, or is it just me?

now coming to the plot, It was just excellent to tell you the truth. As I have already mentioned in the beginning how much I liked it. if a few errors from the piece are removed we get a fabulous poem . and yes, everything written above meant No offense however. If something offended you then pardon me

keep writing and all the best for all your future pieces.

umaima