symbiosis

Hello Persy.
You first two lines definitely caught my attention. I don't generally read poems addressed to spiders. I found a little bit a humor in this especially "Please don't lay eggs under my bed." I also would want to know what the world would look like through eight eyes. The las question threw me off, but I rolled with it. I feel like you need a "that" in the last question, but it's still understandable.
I don't know what you mean by "not many people have passed through my voice" but I think it still makes sense in it's own way. I think of names, like you maybe don't know many people, and only names of people you do know have passes through your voice. I don't know if that makes sense.
I do appreciate the tie-in to the title, when you let the spider live in return for someone seeing you.
The last line is something I don't get as much; spiders don't generally acknowledge that you're there, so I don't see how the spider could tell you that you're not a ghost. Just because a spider is in your room, doesn't mean it knows you're there.
Anywho, these are really small things and I think this poem is great all together. Good job. Keep writing.
~fortis

Knight Malachi here to review for you for Review Day. Go YWS Default Background!!
So, this is a somewhat funny poem. i loved the lines:
"Please don’t lay eggs under my bed.
What does the world look like through eight eyes?
What does the world look through eight eyes. Hahahaha. That just really made me laugh. I didn't see any technical errors.

to remind myself that I am alone
and sometimes, it is good to be seen.

I don't get how the main character is alone if there is the spider. It seems like the spider is a pretty prominent figure in the poem. I don't think I totally get the meaning behind this whole poem, but it was still enjoyable.
Keep it up!
Happy Review Day!!!!!

Percy^^ I always enjoyed reading your poem here!It's haunted and amazing at the same time.I dunno but you really have such vivid imaginary here.
Kudos,cheers
~Dark

Hi Nia,

So this is obviously beautiful and I am thankful again that you are branching out and doing more things, different things with your poetry, finding new words and new ways. I can see what you mean by it not being quite enough.

I want to suggest cutting that first line after 'say' and then adding a semi colon on the end of 'wall' but that is a personal preference. Everything in poetry is a personal preference of course, as always.

I think that your initial lines are good and that the premise is solid but it is too slow in the three final lines of stanza one, and that slows all the rest down. It's the slowing down which means that when we hit the final line it just doesn't work. The line is clunky because it is too long and we're left feeling a little empty, it's that not enough. Consider the last line as "Thank you, I am not a ghost" or even "I am not a ghost" or something shorter, a little punchier to fit the stanza before it. With the lines in stanza one, I want to suggest "would" instead of "could" but otherwise I'm not sure what you could do for the moment. I really like what you're doing, the Charlotte's web concept of the name and such.

I wish I could be more help. Thank you for writing this.

♥♥

...Why is the first line not in the description? You have "~" telling me what to expect from this poem, and then you give me the explanation I was looking for in the posted poem. So I felt really thrown off there.
And then the first sentence of the second stanza (or third, if you consider that isolated line at the beginning a stanza), "Not many people have passed through/ my voice", what does it mean for someone/something to pass through "my voice"? How does that happen? Do you mean people you've spoken about or to? That's kind of confusing.
That last line is, I think, meant to be a companion for the first sentence. However, that line just felt as out of place as its companion, two oddballs that are just floating out there like crown molding and base board without a wall.
Hope this helps!

Wow, this is an amazingly unique way of exploring the theme of loneliness, and you did it so beautifully! *tips hat*

AWWWWWWW I love this so much. It's so perfectttttt I can't even