short-lived

Hello Pocket~

Forgive me, for this is my first review in a long while.

I thought this piece was very clever. Your metaphors nearly always succeeded to connect not only to the central theme of your poem, but to each other. There was only a small exception to this:

retreating like an animal
caught between hiding and
aggression.

The imagery is kind of jumping all over the place for me here. Normally I'm not too picky about conflicting similes/metaphors, because I'm not too excellent at it myself. But in this case, it was less like me noticing your mistake, and more like me experiencing the disarray it caused within the poem. I'm in the kitchen for the entire piece, between the fruit bowl and the counter, gazing out the window, and suddenly there's an animal that I have to try to fit into the picture in my mind. I guess it just doesn't fit. I'm lead to wonder if I'm even still in the kitchen, or if I'm outside in the woods. I never walked to the woods. There's no transition there. I would suggest altering that simile, because I think that bit about the light whispering back through the open window is very effective.

I think the idea you're trying to convey here is the fact that not only do we often miss the things we would have otherwise enjoyed, but we don't even recognize the fact that we missed them. You really did a very nice job with imagery.

a small, swarming halo
of fruit flies, which congregate
with their heavy, erratic
reverence, and in the morning,

I can easily imagine this. Beautiful. On another note, you ended his stanza with a comma. Don't you think that's weird? Eh, me neither. It's okay. It looks strange, but it makes sense. However, the reason I noticed the fact that you're ending stanzas with commas was because of your wobbly wording. I can't think of another word that really fits besides "wobbly". At first I thought your punctuation and stanza-splitting was the problem, but it's not, not really.

reverence, and in the morning,

sometimes we wake too late,

.

It's not too big of a deal, but if I were you I would change it to

reverence, and sometimes in the morning,

we wake too late,

Anyway, two things that really stood out in your poem for me (positively rather than negatively) were how you used repetition to reinforce the difference between how the light comes and goes, and your brilliant ending that brought the idea of the fruit rotting full circle and at the same time, touched on the deeper aspects of your theme.

With the former, you used the bit about "jape, cut, open, peer," etc. to describe the manner in which the lights come and go, while simultaneously referencing the rotting fruit. This was extremely effective, and I actually disagree with @fortis; I don't think that a reminder of the identity of the reoccurring "it" would be necessary; the fact that you don't remind us is not only enigmatic, but also makes your other repetition that much stronger.

About the last thing I enjoyed; your ending. It really represented the idea that it seems the day disappears just as we make ourselves ready to embrace it.

Anyway, despite a few minor changes you could make, I think your poem was otherwise flawless. You inspired me to start writing poetry again. Thank you!

Yours,
Savvy