Oi, Spike, you hurt me so well and thoroughly. Let's talk about it.
Something unique this piece pulls off is the well-adopted sensation of slowed time that is so keynote of depression. That murky, heaviness that takes shackle-home on the wrists and ankles. Yes. But I believe part of this comes in the reread value presented due to the process of composing and preparing oneself only to face the [conceived] fact that there is only more waiting and heaviness beyond the preparation. It begs a cyclical read, which I think is also keynote of the depressive theme given.
That said, there are loose ends abundant here--the first arguably being the title? I understand that the composure comes up in 2/3 of the poem, but it doesn't add to the value of the piece since we get that abundance of composure motif. I'm hard-pressed to tell you what to change inside the piece because the pacing is so tightly-tuned for flow's sake that it feels as though most changes would dismantle a fragile filigree. Considering this, I feel the image of the seeds should evolve instead of returning to the composure note. It's worth an experimental edit? I'm unsure about this. Stanzagraph two feels quite weak as a bolster for the power that follows, so consideration for more time in this area would be a good idea. This is also where I feel you have the most precious room to expand or dedicate realms to more content, so if you're going to add another shackle, add it here.
And that's really all, Spike. You wrote a gorgeous piece that I love. I hope this helps.
Ty
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