i made a promise to myself not to become
a nothing spot in our house. i keep explaining
how the world works to myself when i feel like
i might have another panic attack.
it’s not that bad.
i haven’t actually had my wisdom teeth out yet.
their small bodies are hidden in my gums like precious rocks
in a mine. sometimes the thought of that makes me think i am not so old yet,
i’m a child, bills and taxes don’t count, not really.
i haven’t kissed you goodnight, yet, either,
the thought of it hangs there in the front, middle
and back of my mind when i try to sleep.
sometimes the thought of that makes me feel like
i’m stranded somewhere i don’t know but that
is the price of feeling small again sometimes —
there are all these things i need to do
that i have given designated fingers to when i count out my list of things:
promises made again and again.
but i keep them; i am something, you see, there aren’t
any nothing spots in our house and i’ve found
that the world really isn’t so complicated at all, no,
we are complicated, birds are complicated, mice are complicated,
the way our eyes keep running when they are closed
is so utterly complicated, but the world is just a shifting body of tectonic plates.
mountains and snow and forests and sunshine.
treat it nice and it’ll be nice to live in — schoolgrade stuff.
things we forget, like cursive, but are simple as twisting your wrist,
keeping your pen on the page.
the world is simple; we are another thing,
burrowing into ourselves with all the urgency
of a frightened animal, writing things to comfort ourselves in the late night.
i’m trying not to promise anything to anyone anymore besides myself.
i’m bad at telling people i love them; i just do. they’re beautiful,
they’re breathing, they’re living in my fingertips like stories,
they’re speaking into me with a mouth wide as the world,
kissing my lungs and heart and bones. promises mean too much
but sound too little and i mean what i say but i can see that they don’t
think i do -- but see, the world really isn’t all that scary. it isn’t that hard.
what’s scary is that i don’t know what i want or how to treat people right,
sometimes i say something and don’t know what it means and
sometimes i don’t know how to say something at all and that
is worst of all — when i burrow away under my own skin
and pretend i don’t look or think like anyone else.
i just keep making promises but i’m learning
how to keep them folded up in my hands, written
across the backs of knees where no one thinks to look,
under my pillow, like a breath,
like a something spot.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hello, Persy.
I read the rest of the poem as if the speaker was on the verge of a panic attack, and it made perfect sense when I went about it that way. The poem, after the first stanza, is a frantic explanation of the world and its workings in a desperate attempt for the speaker to keep their cool.When I first tried to read this poem, it got away from me. I couldn't keep up with the words, my mind was scrabbled, and nothing made much sense. So I've found that I could only truly appreciate this when I treated it as spoken word, and reading it out loud, hearing the lines out there in clear voice, made a remarkable difference.
The introduction is by far one of my favorites I have ever read. I interpreted it as the basis behind the entire poem. Because of the phrase,
When the poem is looked at through this view, it is easy to peel back its layers, to find the cause of the speaker's distress - dealing with adult life, bills and taxes, and her inability to keep those around her happy no matter how she tries. I feel like the speaker thinks the world is getting away from her, growing too frantic and out of control, and the entirety of the poem is her trying to calm herself down. For example,
Mainly, Persy, I loved the way everything here fits together. I have very few problems with this poem. I can't stop reciting it out loud, the words flow so effortlessly together and it sounds beautiful.
One problem I do have is with this line:
The last part of that line, "it isn't that hard", is really powerful as it pulls the reader back to the very beginning - "it's not that bad". And, as I've said, the introduction is the most powerful part here and therefor the connection to it should have more spark, I believe. I think the last part of this line would be best off on its own, just so it holds more impact and doesn't get tagged along with the preceding statement and has its meaning watered down.
Lastly, this was intensely personal to me. Your speaker's feelings of wanting to be a child again, to revert back into herself is something I've been dealing with lately too. Everything's too chaotic around me, I always find myself making promises and scrambling to keep them, and ultimately wanting to curl up under a blanket and just lie there. I commend your ability to connect with your reader. This was an amazing read.
-ReiseP xx
Hey im here, i like this but, what you said in these lines "i made a promise to myself not to become a nothing spot in our house. i keep explaining how the world works to myself when i feel like i might have another panic attack. it???s not that bad." The way you started this off is a big NO. I dont understand it. whats going on i get the picture but what? in the second sentence it like "ummmmm" your not making sense, and you need to Capitalize In your Sentence. You shoud just re-read this again. I like th
you seem confused
Yeah,he/she don't even understand mine too o.O
Yeah,he/she don't even understand mine too o.O
Hello Persy!
This poem was beautiful. I haven't read (or seen, because it's a movie right?) Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, so sorry if there's any references to that in here and I miss them. It doesn't seem like there are though.
I'd like to take this stanza by stanza.
Stanza one:
The first thing I saw (naturally) when I looked at your poem was that you hadn't capitalized your i's. I'm not going to tell you how to capitalize anything, even if it was a little distracting. I could be a Literature teacher and say that you probably didn't capitalize them because you don't feel like you are important enough (you compare yourself to a "nothing-spot") to be capitalized. But it could be because you're too lazy to reach down and hit that shift key.
Speaking of "nothing-spots," I wasn't quite sure what you meant by that. The one thing I know about Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (I was in the room when the movie was on, or at least I think it was that movie) was that there is some reference to 9/11. I don't know why this made me think of those shadows left behind by atomic bombs, but it did. That's what I was thinking of when you said "nothing-spots." Somehow I don't think this is what you meant. Okay, you didn't need to know that. Sorry.
I really like the lines
Because it allows us to know what the main point of your poem is. Not that a poem has to have a point, but it's nice to have something to refer back to when I get confused. Basically, I gather from this (and the rest of the poem) that you message is that the world isn't as complicated as some people like to make it out to be. I can definitely relate to the part about keeping calm by explaining how the world works. Sometimes when I'm freaking out a little, I just talk to myself and recite facts.
Stanza Two:
I like the part about the wisdom teeth. I don't really see how it fits into how simple the world is, but I think you might have two ongoing themes: the insecurities of youth and the simplicity of the world. (geez, I just reread that and it sounds just like I'm doing an essay for English class again.) I haven't really thought of wisdom teeth as hidden treasure. It's a really good simile.
I feel like your change to the part about kissing goodnight was a very abrupt transition. What is the significance of this? Does it make you feel young/inexperienced? I'm not quite sure why it's there at all. You should expand upon this or delete it. Or possibly move it elsewhere.
I really don't understand the middle part of this stanza.
It seems like a run-on sentence consisting of a half-explained metaphor. I'd revise this.
I do like the last part, with the fingers and the promises. I can't say why. I feel like you could do an entire poem just on what you've assigned to each of those fingers... what promises they represent.
Stanza Three:
This was perhaps my favorite stanza. I think the second line might need a comma or something. This is also a run-on sentence, but I'm not gonna tell you how to punctuate your poetry.
I really liked this line:
Because I've never really thought of the way our eyes move when we sleep as something complicated. I like poetry that makes me think. I also like the tie-in to cursive. That was done really well.
Stanza Four:
Tiny stanza speaks large truth.
We are complicated beings, filled with insecurities. We are the only animal (so far as I know) that feels emotion so deep and specifically. We are also the only animal that writes.
Stanza Five:
I like all this talk of promises. It's best not to promise anything you can't follow up with. And I'm the same way with people. I notice how amazing people are, but I can't tell them that. It's not in the social norms to tell a random stranger how amazing you think they are. Sometimes it's not even allowed by the social norms to tell close friends that you love them and that they mean a lot to you. And then you tie this in to the simplicity of the world again. I really like this stanza too. I can't find anything wrong with it.
Stanza Six:
I think you need a comma after "want" in the first line.
I definitely like the part about the promises hidden in all those different places, and how your final line ties in to your title. I think people like poetry when they can really relate to it, and I can relate to your line: "and pretend i don't look or think like anyone else." Because somewhere on my outside, I Know I'm different from everyone, but on the inside I know I'm exactly the same as everyone, but eeeeveeen deeeper, there's a spot that tells me I really am different. It's always a battle between how deep I am in myself.
So, I really liked this. The only thing I could tell you other than whatever I wrote up there (I don't even remember what I wrote anymore) is to maybe make your sentences into grammatically correct sentences instead of run-ons. And clarify the confusing parts.
Hope my rambling helped.
~Fortis
I like this but there are a few mistakes.
The first thing you messed up was how you say I. You don't capitalize I so that is one grammar mistake.
The next thing is you kind of jump around. You go from being an empty space in your house to getting your wisdom teeth removed. I don't understand this.
You keep jumping randomly around the poem. I think that you should keep one topic and stay on that one topic. You jump aroud too much. Know I don't know what the poem is really about.
Over all, I think that the format is fairly good. Thank you.
Never critique an author's choice to capitalize or not capitalize anything.
You can totally critique it but just be aware that there are many conventions of grammar and punctuation that poetry ignores, because it is about expressing emotions through all parts of the poem, not just the words themselves.