It takes patience, they say.
Patience.
I have held my hands
to the water’s edge and tried to be still as glass,
seconds, minutes, days and weeks
crawling by like an old man.
I have tried patience.
I have watched as the shape of my body
has changed from girl to woman,
my hands have learned lines from stumbling hikes,
clumsy knives, the way I hold my pen,
and patience has not been enough.
It takes minute details.
It takes trembling as the face of the water breathes,
breathing in as it does, promising myself
that I can be still and pure as it.
It takes a holy life,
wandering from ocean
to river and back home, to you,
where you are still and calm and precious.
It takes kissing the fingertips of those
who call you late at night to hear
how your lungs have changed, grown,
gasped with the waterfront. It takes
remembering that the shape of my hands,
as they tremble in their role,
is nothing to be ashamed of.
It takes substance,
I can’t be glass anymore, I am wood,
I am stone, I am the current in the river
that pulled me to its belly when I was 10.
I am learning how to swallow like it.
I am learning to swim. It takes
cutting the water with your palms,
like a surgeon carving into a body,
steady handedness, sureness,
the kind of courage where you are terribly afraid
and your stomach has eaten up the rest of your body
and you move without thought and you stop existing,
just for a moment, one, two, and then you are done.
I am learning this kind of courage.
I am holding my hands to the pond outside my house,
trying to make my them
level and still and kind. They shake,
and I find that the water trembles with me,
it is still and pure, and calm and kind, and it trembles,
and kisses my palms.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hello
First things first.
That title?
Talk about AMAZING!!!! That really will catch a readers attention.
All in all, I thought this was done very well.
Just a few quick things...
It's a little long compared to other poems I've seen, but that adds to the uniqueness of the piece. But don't make it too long. You don't want the reader turned away because it drags on.
"I am learning how to swallow like it."
This sentence threw me off quite a bit. I reread it a few times, and still didn't understand.
"It takes patience, they say."
Nothing is wrong with this, I just had a comment about it. This was done very well. It peaked my interest as well as my curiosity.
Overall, this poem is very well done. I really like the content. You did very well on this! Kudos
Keep on writing! Can't wait to see more!
Hello, RedApril29th here to review for you! I will be reviewing it piece by piece and expressing my thoughts as I go along. Since I am doing this, they may change with each part. I hope you can understand it!
"It takes patience, they say.
Patience. "
Nothing wrong with this. It kind of pulls me in, brings out my curiosity to what the poem may be about.
"I have held my hands
to the water’s edge and tried to be still as glass,
seconds, minutes, days and weeks
crawling by like an old man.
I have tried patience. "
I love how you compare things. I love how you compare being still to glass, because glass really doesn't move, and how you talk about the seconds ticking by how an old man crawls. Its very good!
"I have watched as the shape of my body
has changed from girl to woman,
my hands have learned lines from stumbling hikes,
clumsy knives, the way I hold my pen,
and patience has not been enough."
This kind of confuses me. What do you mean by, 'my hands have learned lines'? I like the first two lines though. It really related to me because I have done the same, I've been watching my body grow. There is that 'patience' again! It really brings me back to the top and again sends my curiousity surging forward.
"It takes minute details.
It takes trembling as the face of the water breathes,
breathing in as it does, promising myself
that I can be still and pure as it.
It takes a holy life,
wandering from ocean
to river and back home, to you,
where you are still and calm and precious.
It takes kissing the fingertips of those
who call you late at night to hear
how your lungs have changed, grown,
gasped with the waterfront. It takes
remembering that the shape of my hands,
as they tremble in their role,
is nothing to be ashamed of."
I love this. It's so poetic, I wish I had the mind for it! It confuses me as well, perhaps I don't have a wide-mind.
"It takes substance,
I can’t be glass anymore, I am wood,
I am stone, I am the current in the river
that pulled me to its belly when I was 10.
I am learning how to swallow like it.
I am learning to swim. It takes
cutting the water with your palms,
like a surgeon carving into a body,
steady handedness, sureness,
the kind of courage where you are terribly afraid
and your stomach has eaten up the rest of your body
and you move without thought and you stop existing,
just for a moment, one, two, and then you are done."
I'm starting to think this poem is about swimming. I don't understand the 'I am wood, I am stone', they are both as still as glass is, aren't they? Unless you mean that they are more solid.
"I am learning this kind of courage.
I am holding my hands to the pond outside my house,
trying to make my them
level and still and kind. They shake,
and I find that the water trembles with me,
it is still and pure, and calm and kind, and it trembles,
and kisses my palms."
So, I think you should have found a different term instead of using 'still and kind' again, even though you added in pure and calm. It's just too soon to use them again.
I didn't quite catch the meaning of the poem, I only understand it was all about a pond and the growth of a young girl. I'd love it to be a little bit more direct, perhaps give a little meaning to something.
Other then these things, I do love the poem.
Knight Dragon, here to review!
The only two technical things I found:
"to river and back home, to you," read a little roughly because I was expecting "to the river and back, to home, to you". That's just a suggestion.
What does this line mean? "I am learning how to swallow like it." I read it, and the "like it" just threw me off, especially with your topic.
The actual poem:
I liked the content, and this was a poem I felt that was more of a non-rhythmic poem that was good at it. Patience is something I've been struggling a lot with, especially as related to learning something new, so I felt totally engaged with the entire poem. Nicely done.
Its a little long and drags on but over all its a great poem! You have a way with words as they flow together to make your pieces and not a lot of people have that talent, savor it! You like many people on this sight made no spelling or grammar mistakes even though it's hard to in a poem! This work or Literature art inspires me to keep writing when I was about to quit, so I guess I found this work just in time huh? The thought that one day I might write as well as you do makes my heart sing with joy and want to work hard to reach my almost impossible goal, to publish publicly! Thank you so much for writing this poem because it inspired me and probably some other people too!