I keep thinking
about how you told me you loved me
with your hands clenched;
they were like iron.
they were a forge, a basket of fruit,
a perfectly made bed;
round like winter
and hard like night --
I remember them as if they were
crumpled paper,
notes that were not written,
the tremor of morning when it is cold
and alive, and perfect.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,874 Reviews
Hai there! AlexSushiDog here to review your poem!
First off, I really loved the picture you painted in my mind throughout the poem, it shows you have talent
Just a few points to improve:
You need to capitalize the first letter on each line.
I think 'keep' in the first stanza should be 'kept' as the rest of your poem is in the past tense.
Besides those two points I liked this poem; it is a good length and painted a picture in my head.
Alex out, beep.
it's a poem in which I'm remembering something in the past so not quite and capitalization is a stylistic choice but thanks for trying
Hello
Your poem is very very pretty, first off. I get this picture in my head that whoever you are talking about in the first stanza is very adorable. Its so cute how you say "with your hands clenched", it shows a lot. Your imagery it really keen.
I just really wish you developed more. Like added some more emotions from the people. Maybe its because im used to reading stories, i dont know. But i liked the poem a lot.
I know that feel, bro...