The moon and I
speak in cursory words with old, rough voices.
We are old souls together;
she tells me that our hands cradled suns together,
when they were small and nestling into our palms,
but with each rebirth, I forget my past lives
and she chides me for my foolishness,
reintroducing me to her, again
and again.
I held hands with a river today,
much to the moon’s chagrin,
and it flooded through me,
raging against the lines of my bones,
sweeping years from my body.
Pebbles clogged up my arteries
and she plucked them out with her cold rocky hands,
asking me how I expected to survive
with such a reckless heart; I told her
I was simply curious how it would feel
to die, and meet her for the first time again.
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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
Knight Dragon, here to review on this wonderful Review Day!
Well, that was quite different from some of your other poems I've read. The punctuation was fine, and I couldn't find anything to comment on grammar wise. I really liked this poem. I especially liked:
"I held hands with a river today,
much to the moon’s chagrin,
and it flooded through me,
raging against the lines of my bones,
sweeping years from my body.
Pebbles clogged up my arteries
and she plucked them out with her cold rocky hands,
asking me how I expected to survive
with such a reckless heart"
That was really vivid, and captured the essence of what you were going for quite well. I really liked this poem, and am looking forward to seeing more like this in the future.
Hope this helps! Happy Review Day!
omg wow
I like how when you talked about holding hands w/ the moon, it remineded me of when connor from 3rd period home economics class (cute blond guy *sigh* lol!) asked me out on a date and then we went to get pizza and laser tag and at the end of the night he held my hand and i was just OMG the whole time.
anyway keep it up!!! maybe you talk about being old (and wrinkly ewww!1) too much without actually proving it in you're words and your description of the moon is forcing it down our throats by basically asking us to believe the moon's emotions without any proof - which I thought you would have outgrown that by now but whatevs, gurl!
on the bright side your work is better than any of the other poems on the front page today.
~peace and cookies~
-Galerius
favorite
Wow...
This is so magical! I love how you're completely in sync with nature.
Your use of vocabulary and description are mind-blowing!
The end was my favorite, it's one of those things you read that sort of leaves you speechless. It makes you dream beyond the dreamable.
#Inspired
I feel like you're the greatest adversary of 'The Knights Of The Green Room' because your work is so precise, exact and flabberghasting that they are very hard to review.
If you can't tell, I loved it.
Wooooooooooooooooow man, your vocabulary stunned me. I don't think I could ever write with such class as you have.
Heck! You used some words I've never even heard of! Hahaha!
Intense, deep and meaningful. Just the way a poem should be.
Nice work man
Legy.
what the hell is this
lol I get these sometimes.. its rather depressing and rediculas.
Hey there, lyricalrebel here to review your work.
You did a great job with your poem. The emotions are portrayed calmly on your metaphors and the flow is great.
The topic about youth is related but frankly, when I read the title, I thought I would be reading things like aging and being old but I was wrong. So, next time, catch people's attention by picking a more catchy title and writing a curious description.
Back to your poem, I enjoyed reading it since I know the ideas presented into it mirrors our soul. All in all, I liked your poem. Keep it up!