I loved you first, and for years
I loved you alone:
Unrequited affections left to boil
on a back burner, lidded by a
tight-knit friendship,
stirring and starting, we passed, and paused,
and carried on, until; Finally!
You returned that adoration seven-fold,
a sudden need to be, a desperate plea,
leaving me nowhere else to be free
but in your arms.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,869 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
Simply stated, I like this. Especially because it's so relatable. The first part at least. It's beautifully done, however I think it could be more. One thing I say about shorter poems, especially if they're well done, is that you should try to take them a step further and really try to add some structure. Everyone does free-verse and haikus, however something with a sharp rhyme scheme isn't at all common and would really set you aside from the rest. Aside from that, I don't really have much else. Aside from being a tad bit cliche (Everyone writes about love and adventure. Try your hand at something fresh like anger, fear and confusion. Go where no one else does. Really!) I'm being quite sincere when I say that it's well done. That's all I have, so keep up the good work, and fare thee well!
-Scoeri
Hello Hsarver here to review your poem tonight. I really liked this poem ,it had a good build up as if you were telling a story. I can really understand where the poem comes from, and I have to say you executed the idea brilliantly. I loved the idea of a boil, it takes a while for water to get boiling, and I loved how you used that in your poem. It fit really well with the idea of slowing waiting, and then suddenly out of no where it seems, that it just happened. I wish I had more to say, but I have nothing bad to say about it, the poem was absolutely perfect to me. Great job and keep writing!
Thank you, and thanks for the follow! *follows back*
Short but effective. There's a sense of sadness to begin with which then becomes happiness. There's a story told by this poem. I especially like how it doesn't rhyme. Keep writing. I think this genre and style is definitely your field.
Good work. I look forward to more.
Amazing!
Aww thanks!