Axis

Hey!


I think this is one of the best pieces I've read so far...


When I read poetry, I usually like to enjoy the intensity of the language used. It makes me feel with the writer, and it urges me to come up with conclusions about the mental set that they'd used in order to come up with such pieces.

With this specific poem, I found myself wandering off to another universe. It's beautiful, magical, and pretty much exactly what I needed to continue my day. You have a nice flow of words and I am assuming that you tend to be quite careful when it comes to the melody that your poem displays. For instance when you wrote,

"But it doesn't want to fluff,
its feathers out yet
it waits for you, nodding
and calling,"

it's almost melodic. And I enjoy that.


One of the strongest phrases that you used is,

"It's just for you that they swirl into your self-imposed silence,"

I mean, wow. It's original. Very original and strong.


Good job miss. Well done.


Write more,
Anon

This, I like. It's very optimistic, which is a breath of fresh air from a lot of the poems on this site (no offence to any of the more downbeat poems).

When you mentioned the 'Chickadees', are they a band or something or are you referring to the birds. If you did mean the birds, I don't think Chickadees should be capitalised. Other than that, I have no complaints, and I just love the tone of the poem.

Oh, and I really like the format and font, by the way. I look forward to reading more of your stuff!

Hey rhiasofia, it's monsters.

So firstly, I hope the font wasn't on purpose because it is hard to read. Although, that is besides the point of the review.

I've read this to myself about 3 times and can't come up with a meaning. It seems that you got carried away with diction. It comes off as gibberish to be honest; like you rationalized the meaning of each phrase in your head even though they didn't quite fit. It would be like trying to finish a puzzle by opening another puzzle box just to shove the wrong pieces into the wrong places. It could help to have a little bit of just clear concise, to the point, honest writing. You can get into the literary stuff but only when it is clear what your talking about and why. The literary technique (i.e. mostly imagery in this one) is designed to make things more clear. It shows your emotions, your perspective and enhances your message- but here the message took the co-pilot seat. Thus, It seemed to be about your diction, your finer details, the way it rolls off the tongue but you really didn't have that drive to make a point or give us something to take home. So all of this awesome phrasing and wording is really wasted.

That's how I feel about it anyway.

Thanks for writing though, you are very talented.

Rhia,

First of all, your format is perfect for the rhythm of the poem. Second, the name definitely compliments the story (I love when people choose subtle names for their poems; it's so cool). Third, lets get on to the review

Your first stanza is just amazing.

I had to read the second stanza a few times to understand; maybe clear that up a bit? I found myself thinking, "who's message?" But maybe that was your entire point, to make the reader think. So don't change it if you like it, because I still like how it flows.

I enjoyed your metaphors with nature, especially the dandelions at the end. The only thing I would suggest concerning the last stanza would be maybe to add a comma between "make a wish" and "just", and move "just" down in front of "wish it all away". I think this would sound nicer.

But overall, I think your poem was originally composed and wonderful!!!! It has great potential; I definitely like your way with words. Keep writing c:

-Savvy