I'll always remember
our very last kiss, but never without
an ache.
you shouldn't have done it.
you knew what was coming, you knew
that the words I'd been expecting
would come soon, yet
still you tipped
your drawn lips down into mine.
It sang the pains of every goodbye.
At first, I felt only hope
that I was wrong
that you weren't going to say it
that this was going to work
until your lips bumped against mine;
it was the emptiest,
loneliest of touches. your body
was drawn from mine in every place
but that juncture. No carress, no
tight hold on me to promise.
Our hands somehow, for once, didn't
find their way to playfully wrestle
in each others grip.
And your eyes, they
glazed and glanced everywhere but to me.
I couldn't look at you, I knew,
but you still didn't say it-
that came later-
but for now, you mumbled
the same goodbyes to me, a broken record
and they all fell flat around me
as I stumbled away.
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140,533 Literary Works • 673,403 Reviews
Hey.
I really liked this poem. I never used to be one for depressing pieces of writing, and in some ways I'm still not, but I actually enjoyed reading this a few times and really feeling the emotions behind it.
I have to disagree with my fellow reviewer as I quite liked the title. You kept within the theme of sadness and longing of the poem and by using the well known expression, one that I've always found quite cheerful actually, you've given it a deeper, more personal meaning. It was far better than calling it something cheesy like "Goodbye my love" or "Our parting kiss" because that wouldn't fit with the style and tone of the poem.
I especially liked the way you described the physical aspects of this kiss. In particular I liked the line, "Our hands somehow, for once, didn't find their way to playfully wrestle in each others grip." It bought a whole new sense of sadness and realism to the poem. Similar to this line was, "Your lips bumped against mine; it was the emptiest, loneliest of touches." This was another favourite of mine, it really made me understand your sentiments perfectly.
Overall, I thought this was fantastic, you obviously have a very creative, poetic brain and a lot of writing talent there!
Keep writing, Faithless.
its very cute!! but depressing.....very well written! keep writng!
Hi there!
This had so much emotion behind it and, being someone who has been in a similar situation emotionally, it's definitely relatable.
The title doesn't really work for the poem, at least in my opinion. I understand that its an expression for sadness and all, but I think the poem would have to be a response to the question-title if you kept it. You end up answering a different question in the poem itself, making the title seem too detached and kind of random.
One technical correction: caress.
Also, I think the first stanza and a few of the first lines in the second stanza are weird. Personally, I decided (after my first read through, of course) to read the poem starting at "Still you tipped..." and I think it made a huge difference. It makes the imagery seem stronger because the first portion is secondary to the reader.
Stanza 3: "tight hold on me to promise." Promise what? That part read a little weird to me.
Overall, the poem holds a lot of emotional weight. The imagery of the partner's detached body language is spot on and the comparison to how the past kisses were so different made the reader realize how telling that moment must have been. This is truly something that can be super awesome if you work a bit more on it! Keep writing.
Wow, this is really great! There's a lot of emotion in this, and you have used exactly the right words in the right way. I especially like the 'lips bumped' as it really shows the feeling you are trying to convey. Also, I like the way you used 'mumbled the same goodbyes' it really makes you empathise with the writer. The only criticism i have about this is your lack of use of capital letters, i think it would make the poem look a lot neater
Keep it up!