Paired

by rhiasofia

Published April 1, 2014

In If Words were Watercolor Balloons Poetry

Comments & reviews · 4
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Poopsie
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Poopsie commented Comment · Apr 3, 2014

A very interesting way of looking at your hands.

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CollinWitte
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CollinWitte wrote a review Review · Apr 2, 2014

I could relate to this piece - great writing! I really liked the line, "paint stain, ink smudge, faint graphite gather like crowds and are collected". I would have liked something more giving the state of the character. Just was left wanting more in some area, though I can't say what. Overall, I really liked the piece and I'd love to see more writing from you.

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RoyalHighness
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RoyalHighness wrote a review Review · Apr 2, 2014

I love this poem! I love the imagery of ink stains as scars, and I like how you left room for imagination in how the marks got there. Great job, overall.
Some nit-picky stuff. The last line is a little jarring. After reading six beautifully flowing couplets, coming to that last line was like coming to a sudden stop on the metro. Maybe add a line before it to ease the ending. Think of it like this: when you end a poem, you want the poem to fall asleep, not die. Fix the ending suchly and I shall be even more happy with this poem than I already am. Great job. I'd give this four stars of five!

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katngo73
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katngo73 commented Comment · Apr 1, 2014

perfectly stunning! loved it! <3



The moral of Snow White is never eat apples.
— Lemony Snicket