With lethargic motions,
we tear our tired, limp grey,
used-up angels from
our past.
Hanging them out to
dry; or die,
strung like Spanish moss
and crawling
with the pests of each pain and regret.
Lightened of the
tenebrous burden of carrying
those angels, those ghosts,
we smile.
An empty smile.
Brushing past, we carry on
without inclination of sympathy
to monochromatic lost souls
met along our self-involved treks;
no longer given to wonderings on
who they were and how
they fell so far.
Unaware that we're
falling too.
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140,213 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hey rhia, Laure here for a review on review day!
Wow, this is a really good poem with wonderful imagery and is just, breathtaking in its own way. This actually took several seconds before the real meaning of it sank in. This poem actually reminds me a bit of Birdy's People help the People, it has that same message throughout the poem. And the ending.
Well, I thought that was quite brilliant of you. We always seem to see other people and be completely transparent to ourselves.
I really love these four lines, your style of writing is very beautiful and melancholy but it also reflects the truth. I think the reason why I love this poem so much is partly because it speaks of reality beautifully. I'm sorry that I don't have much to nitpick about this, keep on writing!
-Laure
Hello again, rhiasofia. Scarlett here to review another poem. ^^
Well, that's interesting. I feel like it's a bit short, though. Still brilliant, but I think it might be missing something. Somehow, this feels incomplete, if you know what I mean. I really like that first stanza (paragraph), and the second one is good, too. Though it's possibly a bit short unless you've deliberately written it like that. The third is good as well, and then you have the last line. The last line is a brilliant closing statement, but when I read it back, I feel like we're missing a little bit of the poem between "an empty smile" and the last line. I think there could have been a bit more in the third stanza, though I can't think of anything you do to improve it, or any way to add to it.
I suggest re-reading this and then seeing if you could maybe add to it a little bit? Just enough so that it feels complete. I love the whole reference to angels as ghosts, in a sense. It's a very interesting twist on the normal perception of angels and ghosts. Seeing them as possibly interchangable is very fascinating. I like this twist, and it should probably be used more often. And I'm afraid I can't think of anything else that might help you. I enjoyed your poem, and I'm definitely going to like it after I'm done with this review.
So, yeah. That's about it. I don't know how much help I was here, but eitherway. Don't you ever give up. Like I always say:
Remember; keep it up and never stop writing!
~Scarli. <3
I love the use of words. Such description with the use of us as angels.
I love how deep this poem makes me feel.