Published February 3, 2014
My thoughts balloon, suddenly inflated with life, like watercolor
when dripped slowly into clean water.
Spider webbing, a hazy smoke
through which all I see, I see in words
and all I hear, I hear in color.
As smooth, inky translucence spills out into
far-off, flattened landscapes I wish to fall in, too.
Existing only in color, or black ink printing, but
always across smooth blank parchment
will I be remembered, borne upwards
by words that paint out colored balloons.
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140,870 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
I love the meaning behind this. The fourth and fifth lines really brought me in, and made me truly believe that this is a well-written piece. I like the way the poem begins and ends with the word balloon in use,while the middle is more painting the picture of a balloon and connecting your words and the colorful balloons.
I like your creativity and this poetic simile. The whole poem is using a single literary device, yet it is thought-out, creative, intriguing, and overall lovable.
Fantastic work!!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate the positive feedback so much. It was pretty much the first time I've written using an extended simile, so I'm glad it worked for me.
I am not usually a poetry fan but this might have changed my mind. It was a very nice poem that invoked many crazy images in my head. I could almost see what you were talking about. It was a very nice poem and I will remember it was very beautiful and it was a very fresh idea. I have not ever heard a poem like this before, it was very unique and beautifully written. Overall it is a very good poem.
Thank you so much! I love hearing that I can warm someone up to something they don't usually like, as well as having unique and thought-provoking work. Your kind words are much appreciated
The vocabulary in this is excellent and appropriately used. It is also open to much interpretation but has what I perceive as quite an emotive message between the lines. There are a good range of metaphors, too, which allow your reader to see deeper into the poem. It's well-suited to its genre and well written. To improve, maybe work on sentence structure.