Your voice has made an insomniac out of me
I'll drag myself from the edge of rest again and again
Three hours of sleep and three cups of coffee compete
a frenzied battle of batted lids and lashes
You say my mind's beautiful like a forest fire, and I ignite in the dark
I'm your copper girl, a live wire; I spark and start despite the time of night
I like this, the coal-bank of energy, the edge of exhaustion somewhere within
until, I burn out to a flicker without the tender tinder of your voice
The night chill posseses all, steals us both away but
We'll burn again tomorrow
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Hi!
This is a wonderful, short poem. I loved the imagery you included in this, especially the lines “drag myself from the edge,” “frenzied battle of batted lids and lashes,” and “copper girl, a live wire; I spark and start.” The mood of this poem is consistent because of that imagery and it’s a nice kind of thick feeling, sort of like wading through honey. I loved it. I love the small parts of alliteration like in “cups of coffee compete” and “without the tender tinder.” Those devices really help to pull this poem together and keep it intact.
There is a very romantic feel to this poem and I love it, especially because almost every line there is a sort of “You and Me” kind of back and forth that some poets ignore. (Like, they’ll say things like “You complete me. Without you I am nothing.” Instead of what you did which is like, “I do this and you do that and we’re both part of something bigger here.”)
I have to admit that I did have to read this a couple of times through in order to get the complete picture of what’s going on. I like it, but I feel like there could be more here. There are only ten lines and it sort of feels like you’re cheating me short of a story going on. At first, I was going to suggest tweaking this so that it has a rhyme scheme (since parameters can really help poets flourish with their creativity) but I think having no rhyme scheme works well with the topic and the tone of this poem. I would like to see this extended, but that’s up to you.
Keep writing,
Dianne E.C.E.
I feel like this is towards me cause I feel this emotion, when I drink coffee like no matter how many cups I drink. It's a struggle to keep my eyes open! It was great, intriguing and I resembled it a lot. Btw you are very pretty, not to suck up too lol
I love authors who make their writing life like; resembles human characteristics and reading your peom, I as a reader can tell what your personality is like. And its beautiful!
Thanks, I'm so glad to hear that it felt personal towards someone, and that you could read the personality. Those are some of the best compliments to offer a writer
Aww, thanks so much about the being pretty *blushes*
Unbelievable.
First of all great poem I really like all of it. the use of all of the description in this makes it wonderful to read and i really enjoyed it
I really liked
"Three hours of sleep and three cups of coffee compete
a frenzied battle of batted lids and lashes"
lots of people can relate to this and that's what helps it out
Loved it 5 out of 5
thanks!