Have you ever found the words
to describe you?
I've yet to discover them,
no matter how I long
or how ceaselessly I breathe each breath
you exhale;
I inhale,
hoping to taste some essence of you there,
and feel it linger,
dark against the tip of my tongue, bite down
to try and hold on as
pen scars paper with words that don't compare
to you.
I'm never quick enough, leaving
you lost in translation. Or,
the words of you just don't yet live.
But, I've got time to wait
I've got forever to learn
you.
I've got forever to scale the hulking words
I can't read from the bottom,
caught in all of the white space on pages.
We'll stand atop them, together
all the emptiness behind us, and
every word ever dreamed sprawling before us.
It will be easy to find any word from there
and one will see yours first,
point with echoing hands.
And they will fit perfectly
between my lips as they press full
through your dark curls and against
the curve of your ear and inwards
as I whisper them to you again
and again.
and they will be you.
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140,533 Literary Works • 673,403 Reviews
Hey there! Purple here to give you a review! Let's get started.
This is such a thought provoking and beautifully written poem! At first, it seems like you are asking the reader to directly describe themselves, but then it changes into a way of affection that still fits. There is so much wanting and willingness in these words. It's very admirable of you to be so voluntarily vulnerable. Just a question "no matter how long I've longed" when reading this out loud or something, it might seem strange to say this in the middle of everything. I think you were trying to get some repetition with this line and the next but that line seems unnatural. You could maybe change it if you want. Have a good rest of the night!
~Purple
Hi there! Cricket here wants to review this amazing poem!
You know I don't think I've ever reviewed a poetry piece before. So bear with me, OK! I absolutely love the way you wrote this! I feel like I know this girl who wishes to be able to describe her lover in a perfect way! Its absolutely awesome! But I'm kind of rambling. So maybe I should just tell you what I thought that you might want to change.
This line I think just has one little thing. "Long" and "longed" seem to be too close and it almost sounds repetitive to me.
I was thinking maybe you could put a comma after linger and maybe make it into a whole different line or something.
I would suggest changing "got" to "have".
This line I just think you should add "about" after "learn". That's all.
OK, I'm done!
I really hope I helped you! Your style is absolutely exquisite! I love it!
Thanks so much, I'm glad you liked it! And those were really helpful suggestions, will definitely edit with these in mind ASAP