Published February 26, 2014
You aren't a friend
I wonder if you know yet, but likely
your skills of observation are in direct relation
to the status of your mouth; closed or opened.
Currently, just like all other moments
with my eyes rolling from your constant moanings,
it flaps wide and gushes torrents
that just seem grand, to you.
Me, I find more intrigue in the cooling of your coffee;
it seems a waste to me
of words, and coffee.
For, all the words that leak, toxic and trite,
not a word rings true,
and for every day you've lived,
not a day was yours,
just spent reflecting out carbon copies
of whomever looked into you.
Only so many changes of self until
you become just this;
nothing.
So, congrats. Friend.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,866 Literary Works • 673,695 Reviews
Hello there rhiasofia. Your poem was fascinating and i really like these kind of poems. I can easily relate to this poem, a lot. Believe me when i say that. I liked the words you used to describe parts of your poem. It was really very nice.
'and for all you speak, not a word is truth'
I think you could have used the word 'true' in place of truth cause it sounds quite awkward in the sentence to me. And it is best that you always start a new stanza or a new line with a capital letter.
But it was a great poem and i love it. I am looking forward to reading many more of you wonderful works.
Cheers
CatherinKanya
I really like this poem! I think it faces a topic that a lot of people can identify with and that makes it more appealing to a broader audience.
Something I noticed, though, were that you used punctuation, but your formatting didn't fit with that punctuation. For example "...and coffee." ends with a period, but the next line "and for all..." starts with a lower case and it also begins with "and." I would try to avoid starting a line with "and" if possible. Especially in this poem where the lines would sound the same, if not better, without it.
Again, lovely poem! I can't wait to see more from you.
~ 221B
Thanks, I fixed that little and. It was meant to be capitalized, but I just got rid of it, then capitalized.