The leaves are all green
the dirt is not dead.
Contain all your thoughts
inside of your head.
Delightful dreams dance
in cranium cages.
When they cannot swarm
to form across pages.
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Hey there, Subtle here for another review! Yes, I'm on my way to gain my third star! First of all, let me say that the title is very well done. Is what reeled me in and I like the idea you have depicted in this poem. Though this poem seems to jump over the places a bit, from dirt to dreams is a bit too fast. So perhaps make a stanza break there?
But I love the last four lines of this poem, is just beautiful! Well done!
-S.s
One word- Wow. This is an interesting poem. The title itself is the reason why I chose to click upon it's link. I am glad that I did. This poem is amazing.
"The leaves are all green
the dirt is not dead"
This holds an amazing amount of imagery, and the last line in the part holds the use of personification.
This poem is very well written, and I am glad that I took the time to come and read this. Thank you for sharing it.
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it. It's one of my few random stream of consciousness poems, I hesitated to post I, but I'm glad people like it.
I am always hesitant to post something on any of the websites I use as I don't want to be that person who posts something really bad- because I always think of my stuff as "Good".
YEs, that always does it to. It's helpful, though. I'm having to do a big project for my English class where we make a dream of ours happen, do something inspiring, make a change, etc, so I'm writing enough poetry to print it in a book. Not publish yet, just have a bound book. I don't want to share poetry with my teacher, class, and friends, expecting it to be good, and having nobody like it. Having a lot of positive feedback makes me way more confident to share with people I know.
Hi! Here to review, obviously
I like this fleeting little stream of consciousness, and to think that the dirt is not dead...made me think indeed. After all, thinking makes you think (but never mind). This poem is more profound than it appears at first glance.
I have a little suggestion for ya -
"Delightful dreams dance
in cranium cages.
When they cannot swarm
to form across pages."
Consider joining this into one sentence somehow - remove the period, I'd say. It would make it flow much better.
Also, the end seems abrupt...you may want to continue slightly. The idea feels half-developed - it may need more maturing in order to give the poem a sense of completeness.
I hope this is useful
Well, I actually have a few poems similar to this, that elaborate and/or contradict ideas in this one. Still new here, so it's just a matter of having a lot of poetry to upload, and not the points to put them all up at once
. Maybe they'll add to it. Either that, or just further muddle it. Who knows?
Paradoxes are divine.
I love the title of your poem! Great poem and continue writing...
- Magenta