His eyes hold all of
space, reflected there
but mine show the shadowy
looming foliage roof of
gold green brown glamor
outlined with the ink of night
which shelters us as
our body sinks back into the earth,
it unfolds into the crispness of a hammock
the folds and creases of that
suspended comfort
our eyes and imaginations
break free and move aloft and pass
foliage and space, hold on up there somewhere
lit as stars are lit,
candles
flickering in open windows,
casting reflections of perfection in
our eyes
our eyes shine brighter as
they collide as
our fingers turn into roots
to grow and twine into one
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THis was a great poem i love the imagery, I view it as the process of life. I didn't really think of it as life until the last part:
"our fingers turn into roots
to grow and twine into one"
It reminds me of trees, which i believe is what you were portraying anyways, so that's good. Also I love the way that the poem describes what they are seeing and feeling, and it is just really deep. A great poem with great imagery. It had a pure meaning and i love that.
Hey there! Purple here to give you a review! Let's get down to business
I really like the imagery in this poem. It flows nicely and I can see everything in my mind. I like how the nature and night theme is almost tied in with resurrection like in the last stanza "our fingers turn into roots, to grow and twine into one" was beautifully written like a merging of souls. Even though some things are unclear, I could see this being about the significance of everyone in the universe but there's also some love behind this. Despite the clear repitition about eyes, I took it in a positive direction. Eyes can specify sight, revelation, admiration (and more). Anyway, I hope you have a good rest of the day!
~Purple
Thanks!
Just here for a small review don't worry
I like your wordplay here 
I like how you kind of related the nature theme to how the mind thinks and a human being and also the other way around , the way you worded it and used imagery made me picture the whole thing in my mind. My favorite part was about the stars and how they are lit in open windows and all 
good job!
Hi Rhia.
For the life of me I will never figure this out, but then again, some poems are not supposed to be, "Figured out." I really like the imagery you display here, I can picture it flowing smoothly in my mind. You also relate this nature theme to the mind or human body (something like that) it's very creative. Good job
There are two nit picks I have with this.
1: I just don't like how you connect the verses. It feels like your skipping a sentence, it messes up the vibe.
2: (Just my opinion, don't hate) I never write anything without a purpise and what you wrote feels to me, like your just being creative with no REAL point.
Other than those, good job with the poem, keep writing.
@magpie94, it's supposed to say poets, not pets
Hi there!
That's how you have it, but I think you should make that all one line, and then put a period at the end. It would be a nice opener. I also think that since you take time to describe your own eyes, you should be more specific than "space." Perhaps "nebulas?" Just using a celestial object will help create an image here. Space is a little too vague.I'm a big fan of your poetry because of all your images. You always manage to create lasting impressions in my mind that have me hanging on your words long after I've read your piece.
I feel like this poem needs a bit of work, though. You say you're trying out more "nature-y" images, and I can see that. Here is what I have to suggest.
Whoah, girl. How many adjectives do you have there? And your eyes are a roof? I know that you mean the roof of leaves, but it was unclear to me at first. Here's how I might write this to improve clarity: I don't know if that's what you want, but it's much clearer what you're saying with not as many adjectives all jumbled up in there.
In the first three lines of the second stanza, I'd not use "as" twice in such close proximity. It creates a weird thing that my mouth doesn't like.
This could be streamlined a little. Try this:
[quote\]our eyes shine brighter as
they collide as[/quote] So many uses of "as!" I understand what you're doing, but it makes you sound out of breath, while the rest of the poem has a moderate pace.
I have several things to say here. First, I don't know what the word "one" is doing in that first line. A typo? Second, you don't have to say "of little roots" because we've already established that the fingers have turned into roots. Third, I'd cut out "strong" unless you choose to add more punctuation to the poem overall. Make sure you add periods to signify the ends of thoughts. As it is, it's a little difficult to see where one thought goes to another.
Altogether, watch your use of repeated words, add punctuation, and try to clear up your more muddled images. I hope this was helpful! Happy writing!
Well, the descriptions of the eyes were more descriptions of what we were seeing than the actual eyes themselves. And you don't have to end each thought with a period, lots of pets don't. It made a little more sense in the way I had the lines separated into stanzas, but we all know how much the publishing center hates to have the writing formatted as wanted. I see what you're saying about a lot of it feeling jumbled and out of breath, but I was going for a stream of conscience effect. I'll try to word it so it's smoother, though. Thank you for reviewing!