Young Writers Society

@Monsters, thank you so much. and Oh my gosh if that was a comparison of me to E. E. Cummings, I might actually cry a little bit. He is my one and only god. Again, thank you so much, I don't even know what to say. Hearing this from you is so much more satisfying than hearing it from anyone else, that's for sure. And on the matter of us not often agreeing, I'm going to have to disagree; (haha, see what I did there? I crack myself up). The one time I disagreed with you, I was in a sucky mood, and I acted like a brat when all of your suggestions were reasonable and helpful. I read it at a later time and felt really awful for how I was. But in all honesty, I can't think of how many times I read reviews you did for someone else, and you said exactly all the things I was going to say. I think we really have more similar views than I allowed you to believe. But anyways, I digress. I really appreciate the kind words, and thanks for reading.

Wow, this is truly beautiful and I don't give this compliment alot, if ever.

I am so glad that you didn't try to rhyme with this one because it would have taken away everything that this poem represents. The way you wrote it is just art. It MAKES your reader read it the way that YOU intended. I've seen this style done multiple times with famous writers and honestly, in this poem it is done well. So I do not see why you would have any aspiration to change it to rhyme, seriously it is good just how it is and I cannot stress that enough. I know you rarely agree with me but I figured it was worth saying anyways.

Also, if you don’t agree with me then agree with E.E. Cummings
http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15399
Also, the whole book thing in the first stanza is a little cliché

Howdy! Trav here for a review. I really liked this poem. It linked an everyday occurrence - a dusty shelf of books - to something much deeper and a lot more harrowing; the loss or forgetting of a friend. The emphasis on dust was a great symbol. I also found the styling of the words and how they were peppered across the page was interesting. I love it when poems do this; it makes them so much more interesting to read! It was a really great piece overall to me.

If there was one thing I could say about it that could use some work, it's your use of "breathe." I would suggest "breath" instead, since breathe is actually the action of inhaling and exhaling, whereas a breath is the portion of air which is being taken in or expelled. That's a really minor criticism though, otherwise I really liked it!

Keep up the good work!
~trav

I think its a pretty good poem. The only reason being the format, although it could have been done better. Nice try. Would have been better if it rimed. I liked the and they fall, and the spinning dust should have been that way. Also, you forget should have been on two lines. I know this is a little raw, but you asked for it.