You know,
of all things that this world
has to offer me, you must be
most like wind before a storm;
clean and new,
wild-eyed and slowly
teasing, caressing
always whispering
when something's near. Dear,
you know how I wait,
for each touch invigorating, heightening
each sense to this
racing and reeling mass
of nerve-endings, lips and limbs
pressed close and whirling,
it's a constant dance
with you always rustling somewhere near,
and my cognizance only for
leaves moving and hair stirring as you breathe
playfully, always moving me playfully
to be just where you please.
You know, the wind moves trees
for just the love of seeing them dance.
Well, if I'm your tree, and you should please
I'll dance just so I may see
my wind grinning down at me
before you whisk away.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hey there! Purple here to give you a review! Let's get started.
This is a very interesting poem. A frequently used theme for you is nature compared to a loved one and it sets a personal flair on everything you do. It puts the tone in my mind as calm and beautiful but it can also be tragic if you want it to be. My favorite lines must have been "You know, the wind moves trees for just the love of seeing them dance." just lovely.
The one thing I might suggest is watch for when you start a new thought and start a new line at that time, or when there might be a pause. For example "for each touch invigorating, heightening" I would start a new line at 'invigorating' and continue into the next thought.
Have a wonderful day!
~Purple
Hello! Clarice Arrais with a review here!
Your title is appealing, good choice of words, I loved the metaphors tree-wind for people.
You let it well clear how this person can affect and move you.
About the writing:
1- "wild-eyed": this is the only adjective that did not fit so well with the wind, unless you were talking about a hurricane, tornado, etc.
2-Punctuation: in the second part of the poem I missed some pauses to picture what you were writing. You described a lot of information and did not pause. It was a little overloading.
3-Ideas: when you did not pause in some points, you had to jump to the next line. This caused some unfinished ideas or ideas that took too long to conclude. If you redivide the lines, it can be fixed.
I liked it. You have an evolving writing that works really well. ^^
The Missing Piece here for a review! Wow! You have a great vocabulary! This is very pretty and runs smoothly. I can feel the emotion and you use such descriptive words. I love this idea too. The wind and the tree! Wow! I didn't notice any grammar mistakes. But my favorite part was:
"You know, the wind moves trees
for just the love of seeing them dance.
Well, if I'm your tree, and you should please
I'll dance just so I may see
my wind grinning down at me
before you whisk away."
Great job and keep writing!
~The Missing Piece