Mom,
My first best friend,
My caretaker,
My one and only mother,
You say you love me
And I know you always will,
And of course I will too,
But it confuses me
When I came out to you
Opened up a secretive part of me
That only certain people know,
My fear of that rejection
Became a horrid reality.
"Marriage is between a man and a woman,"
you claim.
I gave you explanations,
I argued with you,
Only to hear you say,
"It's just a phase."
"You've never been in a relationship with a
guy, so you don't understand."
"I don't support this."
Mom
I love you,
But I don't love this side of you.
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140,145 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Ely, did this happen to you? Did you "come out" to her? Just wondering, I'm sorry. I'm a Christian and we don't encourage that, but I'll support you if someone tries to pick a fight with ya. I like how you show a conversation, and how you used a real life situation that happens with teens nowadays. It's realistic. Dang my mom called me for dinner so sorry I can't leave a proper review
Okay, sorry here I am again. I hope that what I said above didn't come out as negative or anything, I would never want to hurt you or anyone else here. But more posting on YWS about gays and lesbians has started to occur, and whilst I don't necessarily agree, I put my differences aside. The title made me think that it'd be a nice little memoir of all the good things that someone shares with their mother. After reading I evidently assumed wrong. But still, I could just imagine what the scene felt like to you. I'm so sorry, Elysium...I don't quite know what to say, but it must be tough. Opening up about anything to your parents can be tough. I sure as heck wouldn't want to sit down with my mom and say "Oh, don't touch me all the time, don't take me out in public, let me wear black all the time since I'm basically 'emo' now," etc. But you pushed through the awkwardness and the hope about no hard feelings.
I'm not going to call gays or lesbians names, judge them harshly, hurt their feelings because they aren't like me. We're all human. And I know God would not want me to jeopardize someone's feelings because of a disagreement. So I just reallywanttoapologizeagain have a nice night & stay strong
~Freak
Yes, is it true as a matter of fact. You can always pick up on the review when you finish, by the way.
This is Kaos here for a review!
This can be assumed with a different word choice and I felt like these lines were a bit repetitive and unnecessary. I felt like there could have been a better way to set up to show that you and your mother were close rather than this. It felt overused and bland and didn't convey any emotion. It was just three statements made.
This doesn't really convey any emotion either. It's just /saying/ the words. It's bare bones. The statements and themes are the bones, and imagery is the flesh. Without the imagery/flesh your poem doesn't make me feel anything.
The poem also doesn't really have any clear stanzas, either. And I know that part is apart of the formatting of the Publishing Center (or most likely is) and so I'm going to tell you a few tricks to make the stanzas clear.
You can use a tilde like this: ~ In between stanzas to show when one ends and a new one starts.
And then if you want it to look nice, put the whole stanza into a line in the publishing center like this for example:
"Mom,My first best friend,My caretaker,My one and only mother,"
To make it close together with no spaces, you have to hit shift+enter after the line and it should now look like this:
"Mom,
My first best friend,
My caretaker,
My one and only mother"
Just wanted to point that out. Moving on.
I have the same problems with this stanza like all I do with the rest of the poem so far. But I'm going to use this slot to point out that the punctuation seems really off in this poem. You go a long time without using periods and use a lot of commas in between. There could also be some place for some variety in the punctuation to make it better. The punctuation makes a big difference in the poem when you read it.
I feel like there are better ways to say this or say what you mean without having to blatantly state it. The themes of the poem are well, but the execution isn't that good in how you do it. I mean, I know that it's towards your mother, but it's still a poem. It feels like more of a letter to me in the way that you speak in the poem.
I felt like the theme in this part had potential on how there can be good people with bad opinions but it doesn't go into that or anything about a moral grey area.
That's all I had to say, have a great day!
Thank you!
Hi there Ely!
Let me just say that first I was on Pinterest today looking at Mom memes and then I go to the Hreen Room and the first thing I see is a poem titles Mom, and I'm like, Okay, I must read this! Sorry, it's just funny to me XD
Okay, on to the poem. I feel like you really wrote this well and I can tell that this person really, truly loves her Mom but she doesn't agree with what her Mom beleives in. She continues to love her Mom, but she also continues to have her own opinion. For this, bravo. You've really gotten across this person's feelings!
I think your word use was good and I don think I would use any other words. However, I'm not the most experienced poem writer as I only write novele, but my point is that I can't think of any words you could use better.
Overall, great job and wonderful work! Keep on writing!
-Gymnast2801
The poem is actually based off in the perspective of me, but thank you for the review.
Well no wonder you got the feelings across so well!